SEX IN YOUR 60s - EASIER SAID THAN DONE

Some of you might have read the article 'Sex in your 60s' in The Sunday Star (3 May, 2015). A timely reminder that turning 60 does not necessarily mean we are on the decline physically, mentally and sexually. Far from it, according to Datuk Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar who penned the article.

A search on this blog will turn up a good number of earlier posts on this topic, some with images for 18+ viewing only :-)

I'm no sexologist or medical doctor, but we all know that any physical exercise done regularly over a period of time will improve one's overall health and well-being. This includes swimming, brisk walking and most definitely sexual intercourse too.

But as with most good advice, it is always easier said than done. There are many challenges that confront older couples in the bedroom besides the age-old complaint of - 'The mind is willing, but the body is not'.

Sure there are sexual aids available, from Viagra to lubricants, not to mention countless books and videos on sexual positions for the over 60s that take into account their physical limitations of arthritic joints, lower back pain, weak muscles, cramps, etcetera. These are just a few of the many physical ailments that plague older adults. This is the time when we wish we had laid the foundation of good health and physical fitness in our younger years.

There is also the question of relationship. Sexual intimacy goes hand in hand with a loving relationship between husband and wife. Unfortunately, many married couples have long lost that 'lovin feeling' for each other. Most continue to live under the same roof for convenience, but in separate beds or different rooms. Where there's no love, there's no will for physical proximity let alone sexual intimacy.

It takes two to tango, and to make whoopee. What if you are widowed, estranged or divorced? Or single? Your well-meaning friends will tell you to look for someone, preferably someone you fancy and who likes you too for the right reasons. Again, it's easier said than done.

You don't want any Tom, Dick and Hairy, or Moll, Peg and Suzie, do you? You are not that desperate, right? Not yet, anyway. You can't trust strangers who want to befriend you on social media or in bars and clubs. You need a mutual friend whom you can trust to make the introduction. Even then, it takes the right chemistry for two people who have just met to want to see each other again.

The field is very limited for older singles, especially for older women. By virtue of their longer life expectancy, single women far outnumber single men of the same age group. So while the good doctor advocates sex 'to improve heart health, reduce pain and depression, as well as increase relaxation and self-esteem', all of which contribute to healthy ageing, only the lucky ones get to enjoy these benefits. For the rest of us, it's gardening, line-dancing or running after the grandchildren to get our heart pumping and muscles working.

In Asian culture, conservative social norms dictate that seniors should behave and act their age. Translated, that means no sex, please, also no kissing, no hugging, at least not in public, and certainly not in front of the children. No lovey dovey, touchy feely display of affection, thank you. It's embarrassing, it's gross, it's offensive! Ah, wait till they get to be our age.

Personally I find it most heart-warming to see older couples holding hands while strolling, or sitting on the park bench with their arms around each other. Such open displays of affection in seniors are rare in Asian societies.

So to all those couples who are still very much in love after all these years, keep the flame of romance burning brightly and cuddle up in bed as often as you can. Appreciate each other for it is a joy to grow old together with the one you love. Not many are that blesssed.

SEX AND ROMANCE IN THE GOLDEN YEARS PLUS NORDIC WALKING

With Jagjeet, more popularly known as Mrs J

If you were at the Star Health Fair last Sunday morning, you would have been drawn to the music and laughter coming from Hall 3.

What was going on? Senior citizens were doing the macarena led by Mrs J. She was prepping them physically to get in the mood for her talk "Sex and Romance in the Golden Years".

I have known Mrs J since our teaching days back in the 1980s. She and her husband were featured in Seniorsaloud second blog post "Forever Young" in May 2008. Five years on, Mrs J is still looking fabulous at 73, and still as feisty.

"Raise your hands - how many of you sleep in separate beds, or separate rooms?" Mrs J asked her silver-haired audience. I had expected a no-holds barred session, and Mrs J didn't disappoint.

Here are some of the slides from her one-hour presentation to share with those who were unable to make it last Sunday morning because they were attending church services or celebrating Vasakhi, the Sikh New Year.

In general, middle-aged Asian couples have more conservative views about sex and intimacy than their western counterparts.

So true! The changes we go through as we age are mostly physical and external. We are still the same person inside, perhaps a bit more mellow.

Thanks to the little blue pill and personal lubricants, elderly couples can still enjoy sexual intimacy

Mrs J lamented the rise in divorce among older couples. "I don't believe in throwing away a relationship that took 40 years to build. Challenges should strengthen love, not erode it," she told the audience.

Mrs J's message to older couples - "Never too late for intimacy, sex and romance. Go on, do it!"

How does one rekindle romance in the golden years? When a couple has spent more than half a lifetime together, they often take each other for granted. They are so comfortable with each other that they no longer see the need to delight each other with little romantic gestures.

"Go for a vacation together, just the two of you," suggests Mrs J. "Rediscover each other." She also shared personal stories from her 50-year marriage, and recommended that we use the 5 Languages of Love as a guide.

Later that afternoon, Mrs J and her team gave a demonstration on Nordic Walking. She is the only certified coach in Malaysia trained to conduct classes on Nordic Walking.

"A few years ago, my knees gave way. They literally buckled under me. I experienced such excruciating pain each time I took a step. I tried all kinds of treatments, but nothing worked. Then one morning I saw my neighbors exercising. They were walking briskly with a pair of 'sticks'. Their backs were straight, and they seemed to be enjoying themselves. They told me they were 'Nordic Walking'. I googled the term, and that's how it all started. I took up Nordic Walking, and the rest is history. It gave me back my active lifestyle. I did a certification course in Australia, and today I conduct Nordic Walking sessions every weekend in my neighborhood, " explained Mrs J.

Mrs J and her team of Nordic walkers

Here's a video demonstration of Nordic Walking that Mrs J shared with the audience. Her talk generated so much interest that many stayed back to ask questions. If you would like to know more about Nordic Walking, you can contact Mrs J at mrsjageetmrsj@gmail.com