Wednesday, May 13, 2015


Some of you might have read the article 'Sex in your 60s' in The Sunday Star (3 May, 2015). A timely reminder that turning 60 does not necessarily mean we are on the decline physically, mentally and sexually. Far from it, according to Datuk Dr Nor Ashikin Mokhtar who penned the article.

A search on this blog will turn up a good number of earlier posts on this topic, some with images for 18+ viewing only :-)

I'm no sexologist or medical doctor, but we all know that any physical exercise done regularly over a period of time will improve one's overall health and well-being. This includes swimming, brisk walking and most definitely sexual intercourse too.

But as with most good advice, it is always easier said than done. There are many challenges that confront older couples in the bedroom besides the age-old complaint of - 'The mind is willing, but the body is not'.

Sure there are sexual aids available, from Viagra to lubricants, not to mention countless books and videos on sexual positions for the over 60s that take into account their physical limitations of arthritic joints, lower back pain, weak muscles, cramps, etcetera. These are just a few of the many physical ailments that plague older adults. This is the time when we wish we had laid the foundation of good health and physical fitness in our younger years.

There is also the question of relationship. Sexual intimacy goes hand in hand with a loving relationship between husband and wife. Unfortunately, many married couples have long lost that 'lovin feeling' for each other. Most continue to live under the same roof for convenience, but in separate beds or different rooms. Where there's no love, there's no will for physical proximity let alone sexual intimacy.

It takes two to tango, and to make whoopee. What if you are widowed, estranged or divorced? Or single? Your well-meaning friends will tell you to look for someone, preferably someone you fancy and who likes you too for the right reasons. Again, it's easier said than done.

You don't want any Tom, Dick and Hairy, or Moll, Peg and Suzie, do you? You are not that desperate, right? Not yet, anyway. You can't trust strangers who want to befriend you on social media or in bars and clubs. You need a mutual friend whom you can trust to make the introduction. Even then, it takes the right chemistry for two people who have just met to want to see each other again.

The field is very limited for older singles, especially for older women. By virtue of their longer life expectancy, single women far outnumber single men of the same age group. So while the good doctor advocates sex 'to improve heart health, reduce pain and depression, as well as increase relaxation and self-esteem', all of which contribute to healthy ageing, only the lucky ones get to enjoy these benefits. For the rest of us, it's gardening, line-dancing or running after the grandchildren to get our heart pumping and muscles working.

In Asian culture, conservative social norms dictate that seniors should behave and act their age. Translated, that means no sex, please, also no kissing, no hugging, at least not in public, and certainly not in front of the children. No lovey dovey, touchy feely display of affection, thank you. It's embarrassing, it's gross, it's offensive! Ah, wait till they get to be our age.

Personally I find it most heart-warming to see older couples holding hands while strolling, or sitting on the park bench with their arms around each other. Such open displays of affection in seniors are rare in Asian societies.

So to all those couples who are still very much in love after all these years, keep the flame of romance burning brightly and cuddle up in bed as often as you can. Appreciate each other for it is a joy to grow old together with the one you love. Not many are that blesssed.


Pak Idrus said...

Lu apa macam!

Pak Idrus said...
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