EXCELLENT ADVICE TO THE 50PLUS

This piece of Chinese advice has been making its rounds online for a while now. I am posting it here to share with those who have yet to read it. Characteristic of the Chinese who are known for being pragmatic and frugal to a fault. All the same, it's still good advice that we should heed.

CHINESE ADVICE TO 50-YEAR OLDS and OLDER

WHERE YOUR LIFE STANDS HERE ON EARTH

(Translated from Chinese)

None of us have many years to live, and we can't take along anything when we go, so we don't have to be too thrifty...

Spend the money that should be spent, enjoy what should be enjoyed, donate what you are able to donate, but don't leave all to your children or grandchildren, for you don't want them to become parasites who are waiting for the day you will die!!

Don't worry about what will happen after we are gone, because when we return to dust, we will feel nothing about praises or criticisms. The time to enjoy the worldly life and your hard earned wealth will be over!

Don't worry too much about your children, for they will have their own destiny and should find their own way. Don't be your children's slave. Care for them, love them, give them gifts but also enjoy your money while you can. Life should have more to it than working from the cradle to the grave!!

Don't expect too much from your children. Caring children, though caring, would be too busy with their jobs and commitments to render much help.

Uncaring children may fight over your assets even when you are still alive, and wish for your early demise so they can inherit your properties and wealth.

Your children take for granted that they are rightful heirs to your wealth; but that you have no claims to their money.

When you die, you can say bye-bye to your money.

50-year old like you, don't trade in your health for wealth by working yourself to an early grave anymore... because your money may not be able to buy your health...

When to stop making money, and how much is enough (hundred thousands, million, ten million)?

Out of thousand hectares of good farm land, you can consume only three quarts (of rice) daily; out of a thousand mansions, you only need eight square meters of space to rest at night.

So, as long as you have enough food and enough money to spend, that is good enough. You should live happily. Every family has its own problems. Just do not compare with others for fame and social status and see whose children are doing better, etc., but challenge others for happiness, health, enjoyment, quality of life and longevity...

Don't worry about things that you can't change because it doesn't help and it may spoil your health.

You have to create your own well-being and find your own place of happiness. As long as you are in good mood and good health, think about happy things, do happy things daily and have fun in doing, then you will pass your time happily every day.

One day passes without happiness, you will lose one day.
One day passes with happiness, and then you gain one day.

In good spirit, sickness will cure; in a happy spirit, sickness will cure faster; in high and happy spirits; sickness will never come.

With good mood, suitable amount of exercise, always in the sun, variety of foods, reasonable amount of vitamin and mineral intake, hopefully you will live another 20 or 30 years of healthy life of pleasure.

Good friends are there for you when you need them

Above all, learn to cherish the goodness around... and FRIENDS... They all make you feel young and "wanted"... without them you are sure to feel lost!!

THE WINTER OF OUR LIVES

And then it is Winter...

You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young,
just married and embarking on my new life with my mate.
And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago,
and I wonder where all the years went.

I know that I lived them all...

And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams...

But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...
How did I get here so fast?
Where did the years go and where did my youth go?

I remember well...
seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people
were years away from me and that winter was so far off
that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like...

But, here it is...
my friends are retired and getting grey...
they move slower and I see an older person now.
Some are in better and some worse shape than me...

but, I see the great change...
Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...
but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks
that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day!
And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory!
Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so...
now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared
for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability
to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!!

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...
this I know, that when it's over... its over...

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...
things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done.

It's all in a lifetime...

So, if you're not in your winter yet...
let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think.
So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly!
Don't put things off too long!!

Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today,
as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not!

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life... so,
live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...
and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things
that you have done for them in all the years past!!

"Life is a gift to you.
The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after.
Make it a fantastic one."

~ Author unknown ~

NO ROOM FOR REGRETS

My daughter forwarded me this article recently. It's worth sharing, so here it is, with credit to Bronnie Ware.


The article is an extract taken from her book 'The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing'. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for.
For more information, please visit Bronnie's official website at www.bronnieware.com or her blog at www.inspirationandchai.com.

Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last 3 to 12 weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

LIVE LIFE, LOVE LIFE, FOR WHO CAN TELL WHEN OUR TIME IS UP

I know it sounds morbid, but ever since the first of my high school mates passed away, I've taken to scanning the obituary columns in the papers. Death still seemed distant then. My sister's sudden demise in 2006 from a heart attack brought death literally to my doorstep. She was just two months shy of her 56th birthday. Two years ago, my cousin suffered a heart attack in Seoul where he was based. He was a young 42.

Yesterday I read in the papers of the passing of an old friend. It was another reminder that we are all mere mortals. Who knows when our number will be called. Even as we remember those who have departed, we should give thanks that we can wake up each morning to greet a new day and breathe the breath of life.

Too often we take people and things for granted. Only when they are taken away from us, do we realize we should have appreciated them more. But rather than waste time on regrets, let us spend it with the people we love, doing the things we enjoy, and helping others in whatever way we can. Isn't that what life is about?

A cousin sent me this video which is a reminder that we should live life to the fullest. If we have dreams, we should pursue them. Life is to be lived, not wasted.



The video is in Chinese, but the message is loud and clear, and transcends language.

LIFE - HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?

"If you could choose to live to a ripe old age, what age would that be?". When I put the question to my friends, the answer I almost always get is "80". I'm not sure if that's because 80 is an auspicious number and therefore a good age to say bye-bye, or is it because most people still equate any number beyond 80 with physical and mental deterioration.

It's time to blast that equation to dust. A change in mindset is long overdue. It is possible to live to 80, 90 and even 100 and still enjoy good health and quality of life, provided we make the right lifestyle choices.

My daughter Belle recently accompanied Teresa, a 112-year old supercentenarian, to London to attend the centennial celebrations of her alma mater. The trip was made possible by generous sponsors who wanted to make Teresa's wish come true. She had such a wonderful time and was feted everywhere she went. For Belle, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that she commemorated in a photobook specially put together as a gift for Teresa. (Pic: Teresa enjoying kite-flying.)

As a blogger on seniors-related topics, I have had the honour of meeting so many amazing men and women in their 80s and 90s who are proud of their age. And why not? How many people of this age-group can truly say they are living life to the full?


Members of the Happy Senior Citizens Club who are in their 80s and 90s. The oldest is Mr Yong Tze Tai, 95, (extreme left) a retired court interpreter, and the youngest is Mdm Wong Yong Moi, 83, (in black) a line-dance instructor at her church.



On the other hand, I've also met retirees and pensioners who, at the relatively young age of 60+, are already withdrawing from life. They come up with 1001 excuses on why they can't do this or that. They prefer to remain at home and whine about the miseries of impending old age, loss of employment, income and self-esteem.

They are poor company with their constant complaints of aches and pains, whether real or imaginery. They lament the lack of attention from their adult children and grandchildren. They have a long list of what's gone wrong with their lives, but can't see the solution even when it's suggested or presented to them. They choose to focus on what they feel they are cursed with, rather than what they are blessed with.

We all know of friends and family members who are like that. No one can help them if they don't want to be helped. Sad, isn't it?



PHILOSOPHY FOR OLD AGE

Every now and then we need a reminder to live life to the fullest. The years do seem to go so quickly by as one advances in age. I remember ushering in the new year on 1 January 2010, and now it's already September.

How have we spent the past eight months? More importantly, how will we spend the rest of our years? Complaining about how life has given us a raw deal? Or feeling blessed that we can still wake up each morning and see the sunrise?

THINKING OUTSIDE THE CASKET

We’ve heard it before: 60 is the new 40 and 70 the new 50. Yet, there are many among us senior citizens who view themselves as 60 going on 80, and 70 going on 90. They think old, look old and act old. No wonder they feel they already have one foot in the grave.

Granted Death is a taboo topic in most Asian cultures, but, seriously, we all need a wake-up call sometimes before it’s too late and we are staring Death in the face. Do we want to spend the rest of our lives merely existing instead of living? The fastest way to speed up the ageing process is to think we are old and ready to die. Sure, we all have to die one day, but that shouldn’t stop us from having fun, adventure, romance and happiness while we can still draw breath.

To these senior citizens in their 50s and 60s, age is just a number.

When we think we are old, we are. Our thoughts are very powerful. They govern how we behave and react. There are folks who, upon reaching retirement age, retire not just from their jobs, but from everything that used to define who they are.

The first thing they give up is their physical appearance. In their minds, they are thinking – at my age, nobody gives me a second look, so why spend hard-saved money on unnecessary grooming. Their wardrobe consists mainly of auntie or uncle-type clothes in various funereal shades of black, brown and grey. If comfort is the reason, ok. But if they dress or act to please others, then they are allowing others to dictate how they should be living their golden years.

Ladies from the Malaysian Menopause Society turn models for a fashion show.

Many retirees allow themselves to put on weight and wrinkles by avoiding all manner of physical activity. Their excuse – oh, at my age, I shouldn’t exert myself too much. Over time, they build up a host of health problems like high cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes and arthritis. They become frail and sickly, and dependent on others.

They give up making an effort to keep in touch with old friends or making new ones. They spend their days mostly at home, moping around the house, and idling away the precious hours. They have no interest in anything that will improve their lives or that of others. Their favourite pastime is complaining about the government. A close second is dwelling on the past with regret. No wonder they end up lonely, cranky, depressed and bitter. What a way to live their retirement years!

It’s easy to identify people who are ageing before their time. They say things like:

I’m too old to travel.
I’m too old to love again.
I’m too old to dance.
I’m too old to learn a new skill.
I’m too old to take up a course of study.
I’m too old to wear bright colours.
I’m too old to venture out on my own.
I’m too old to be outrageous.

It’s time to get rid of the ‘I’m too old to’ mantra and replace it with a new one:

I’m still young enough to learn a new language.
I’m still young enough to welcome romance into my life.
I’m still young enough to write a book.
I’m still young enough to do the salsa.
I’m still young enough to go on an adventure trip.

I'm still young enough to....ENJOY LIFE!

We must constantly remind ourselves to make the most of our golden years, not waste them waiting for Death to knock on our doors. It's so easy to fall into the ageing trap.

‘And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.’ – Abraham Lincoln