FOR THE SINGLES ON VALENTINE'S DAY

It's Valentine's Day - again. While couples young and old celebrate the day exchanging gifts and Valentine cards, my thoughts, as always, are with those who will not be sitting down to a romantic candlelight dinner. Reason: they are single. To them, I say, "Happy Single Awareness Day!" I am one of you too. No need to dread this day. Indeed, our numbers are increasing. Today being single for an older woman is no longer a social stigma. If truth be told, women in unhappy marriages envy their single sisters but they do not have the courage to break free. To the happily married ones, a toast to you on this Valentine's Day.

Unless you are married to someone wonderful, it's better to remain single. I am not putting down the institution of marriage. But I seem to be hearing more couples getting divorced than getting married, especially among older couples. Once the children are grown and flown, a couple's marriage is put to the test. Retired couples, in particular, find that being in each other's company 24/7 can either rekindle the old flame of romance and passion, or it can extinguish forever the last embers of a dying marriage.

Which one are you? There's a third one - being single and NOT available. 

It takes a lot of effort, compromise even sacrifice to keep a relationship going. Many young couples don't have the patience to work at it. Gone are the days when wedding vows were taken seriously and couples remained married 'till death do us part'. Even after death, the bereaved spouse stayed faithful to the memory of the dearly beloved. Second marriages were almost unheard of, as were divorces. Indeed, to ask for a divorce would be akin to asking to be ostracized.

Today on Valentine's Day, I dedicate the day to my parents. I remember them as a very loving couple. As a child, I used to listen with fascination to the love stories my mother told me about how my father wooed her. Their courtship days were like chapters taken from a Barbara Cartland novel. My father simply adored my mother, and spending time with her was something he treasured as we saw him only during the weekends. His work as a medical sales representative often took him outstation and away from the family.

My father treated my mother like she was a fragile porcelain doll. He was always eager to please her and make her happy. My mother bore him six children during their 10 years together. I was the eldest. My youngest sister never got to see my dad for he passed away in 1957 after a short period of illness. My mom was heavily pregnant with her sixth child when my dad left her - forever.

My parents - Annie Goh Kwee Foung and Jackie Fu Fook Im (1947)

My mother will be 94 this October. She has never remarried, and has remained a widow all these past 62 years. I am sure she still misses my father, that is, on days when she can remember, when her mind is clear, and her memory is sharp. For my mom has Alzheimer's. The other day when I showed her this picture of my dad and her, I asked if she knew who the couple was. Without any hesitation, she said 'That's me and that's your father. But he's gone now. He was very good to me.'

Whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed, today is the day we celebrate LOVE. We should be celebrating love every day, in the little things we do, for the people we love. Love doesn't have to cost a cent. Love can be a genuine smile, a warm hug or an affectionate kiss. Or a good deed for someone we don't know but who needs our help.

Spread a little love today, and every day.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE!

(This post is updated from an earlier one posted on Valentine's Day 2019. It is also posted in memory of my beloved mother who left us 10 days ago on 3 Feb 2021. She would have turned 95 in Oct this year.)

FOR SINGLES ON VALENTINE'S DAY

It's Valentine's Day - again. While couples young and old celebrate the day exchanging gifts and Valentine cards, my thoughts, as always, are with those who will not be sitting down to a romantic candlelight dinner. Reason: they are single. To them, I say, "Happy Single Awareness Day!" I am one of you too. No need to dread this day. Indeed, our numbers are increasing. Today being single for an older woman is no longer a social stigma. If truth be told, women in unhappy marriages envy their single sisters but they do not have the courage to break free. To the happily married ones, a toast to you on this Valentine's Day.

Unless you are married to someone wonderful, it's better to remain single. I am not putting down the institution of marriage. But I seem to be hearing more couples getting divorced than getting married, especially among older couples. Once the children are grown and flown, a couple's marriage is put to the test. Retired couples, in particular, find that being in each other's company 24/7 can either rekindle the old flame of romance and passion, or it can extinguish forever the last sparks of a dying marriage.

Which one are you? There's a third one - being single and NOT available. 

It takes a lot of effort, compromise even sacrifice to keep a relationship going. Many young couples don't have the patience to work at it. Gone are the days when wedding vows were taken seriously and couples remained married 'till death do us part'. Even after death, the bereaved spouse stayed faithful to the memory of the dearly beloved. Second marriages were almost unheard of, as were divorces. Indeed, to ask for a divorce would be akin to asking to be ostracized.

Today on Valentine's Day, I dedicate the day to my parents. I remember them as a very loving couple. As a child, I used to listen with fascination to the love stories my mother told me about how my father wooed her. Their courtship days were like chapters taken from a Barbara Cartland novel. My father simply adored my mother, and spending time with her was something he treasured as we saw him only during the weekends. His work as a medical sales representative often took him outstation and away from the family.

My father treated my mother like she was a fragile porcelain doll. He was always eager to please her and make her happy. My mother bore him six children during their 10 years together. I was the eldest. My youngest sister never got to see my dad for he passed away in 1957 after a short period of illness. My mom was heavily pregnant with her sixth child when my dad left her - forever.

My parents - Annie Goh Kwee Foung and Jackie Fu Fook Im (1947)

My mother will be 94 this October. She has never remarried, and has remained a widow all these past 62 years. I am sure she still misses my father, that is, on days when she can remember, when her mind is clear, and her memory is sharp. For my mom has Alzheimer's. The other day when I showed her this picture of my dad and her, I asked if she knew who the couple was. Without any hesitation, she said 'That's me and that's your father. But he's gone now. He was very good to me.'

Whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed, today is the day we celebrate LOVE. We should be celebrating love every day, in the little things we do, for the people we love. Love doesn't have to cost a cent. Love can be a genuine smile, a warm hug or an affectionate kiss. Or a good deed for someone we don't know but who needs our help.

Spread a little love today, and every day.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE!

(This post is updated from an earlier one posted on Valentine's Day 2014.)

TO HAVE AND TO HOLD, TO LOVE AND TO CHERISH, FOREVER

It is a challenge these days to find couples who have been HAPPILY married for at least fifty years. Note the word HAPPILY. Many older couples remain together but there is no love lost between husband and wife, and it is plain for all to see. There is little or no communication, even less physical touch. It is like two strangers living under the same roof out of convenience. For these couples, the spark of love has long died, never to be rekindled.

It takes a lot of hard work to nurture a relationship, a lot of give and take to reach that stage where one simply can't live without the other. They complete each other. Each is the other half, and they fit perfectly together.

Like this elderly couple. The photo is one of my favorites - a tender moment captured in time. I happened to be behind them one fine morning. With their backpacks and walking shoes, they looked all set for a day out in the city. I couldn't help noticing how he held her hand all the way and shielded her from passing vehicles. How sweet!

Loving, caring husbands are a dying breed. So are loving, caring wives. Perhaps it all boils down to incompatibility. They were not meant for each other in the first place.

It is, therefore, such a pleasure for me to introduce two couples who are blessed to have found each other to share their life's journey with. Here's what they have to say about staying happily married, in their own words, and specially for our SeniorsAloud blog readers.

Picture perfect couple Mrs J (Mdm Surjeet Kaur), 73, and Mr Jagjeet Singh, 80. They have been married 52 years.

Secrets of a long lasting marriage - by Mrs J

1. Expect to have lots of challenges as you both grow in years ... familiarity does not really help .. but don't take each other for granted especially as a woman I want to feel appreciated for manaqing the home and taking good care of the household. It's a never-ending task and responsibility but if appreciated the sky is the limit. I am thus appreciated for a LOT OF WHAT  I do and it is expressed in many different loving ways.

Mr and Mrs J have two sons and five grandchildren who keep them very busy,
but they enjoy every minute of bonding time with their grandchildren.

2. Both must help in putting the house in order. Every woman appreciates it when the man chips in. Mine cooks excellent chicken curry ... the family calls his curry with a signature name: 'Dada's Special Chicken Curry!'  'Dada' means paternal grandpa.

3. Frequent short weekend getaways together to stay romantic and in love.

4. Do things together. We do Nordic Walking. Although he is a golfer we make sure there are two days we Nordic Walk together in Lake Gardens...

5. Keep busy. Give space to each other to breathe and do their own things, so you have no time to get on each other's nerves. The busier you are, the happier you are...No time to be picky.

Footnote: Mrs J and I have been friends since the 1970s when we started our careers as teachers. She has the distinction of being the first senior I interviewed way back in May 2008 for the article 'Forever Young'. In recent years, Mrs J has developed a passion for Nordic Walking and calls it 'the best total body workout for seniors'. She is the country's first and possibly only certified Nordic Walking instructor. If you are interested to learn more, you can contact her at 03-7610 2714, or 012-2005 276.


No half-measures when you love someone - by Tony Lee

Still lovey dovey after all these years! Wish we had more old school gentlemen like Tony and fiesty grandmas like Suzanne.

Tips for a happy marriage:-

a)  The secret to a happy life is giving God the first part of the day, the first priority to every decision and the first place in your heart.

Tony is now 92,  and Suzanne is 90. They have been happily married for 67 wonderful years. 

b)  Of course every life should have some mystery in it and I am thrilled that mine takes the form of Suzanne. She has been all that I want as a partner on life's journey.

c)  We don't  pray to God so that He will change His mind. We pray to God so that we will change - and if we change, our situation can change.

d)  Love is a decision! You will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology.

e)  You do not marry someone you can live with; you marry the person whom you cannot live without.

Footnote: I first read about Suzanne when she was featured in The Star article 'Fit As A Fiddle' in Feb 2012. I was so inspired by what I read that I contacted Tony shortly after. We have been in touch via email ever since. Suzanne has created her own unique daily regime to keep in shape and in good health, and they certainly have worked for her. For more about Tony and Suzanne's fitness tips, visit their blog at https://suzannetony.wordpress.com/

ACROSS THE CAUSEWAY IN SINGAPORE

Over in Singapore, to commemorate the golden jubilee of the republic, and to celebrate Valentine's Day, 50 pioneer generation couples shared their love stories in book. Four couples were interviewed by The Straits Times about what it takes for a marriage to last a lifetime. All images below are from The Straits Times.

Mr Chong Siew Chin, 78, and Mdm Eng Theng Sing, 81. Read more at http://bit.ly/1A5Hyb5

Mr Syed Mohammad Syed Umar Shahab, 83, and Mdm Sharifah Noraini Syed Hussein Alsagoff, 77. Food plays a big part in their marriage. More at http://bit.ly/1CqVxX2

Mr Mahn Singh Bajaj, 87, and Mdm Suhinder Kaur, 85. Being able to compromise is their binding secret. More at http://bit.ly/1A5IagT

Mr Lim Sai Meng, 91, and Mdm Poh Boon Quee, 86. No harsh words even after six decades together. More at http://bit.ly/1DqcQLO

LOVE IS ALL AROUND US TODAY - HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

It's Valentine's Day - again. While couples young and old celebrate the day exchanging gifts and Valentine cards, my thoughts, as always, are with those who will not be sitting down to a romantic candlelight dinner. Reason: they are single. To them, I say, "Happy Single Awareness Day!" I am one of you too.

Which one are you? There's a third one - being single and NOT available. 

Unless you are married to someone wonderful, it's better to remain single. I am not putting down the institution of marriage. But I seem to be hearing more couples getting divorced than getting married, especially among older couples. Once the children are grown and flown, a couple's marriage is put to the test. Retired couples, in particular, find that being in each other's company 24/7 can either rekindle the old flame of romance and passion, or it can extinguish forever the last sparks of a dying marriage.

It takes a lot of effort, compromise even sacrifice to keep a relationship going. Many young couples don't have the patience to work at it. Gone are the days when wedding vows were taken seriously and couples remained married 'till death do us part'. Even after death, the bereaved spouse stayed faithful to the memory of the dearly beloved. Second marriages were almost unheard of, as were divorces. Indeed, to ask for a divorce would be akin to asking to be ostracized.

Today on Valentine's Day, I dedicate the day to my parents. I remember them as a very loving couple. As a child, I used to listen with fascination to the love stories my mother told me about how my father wooed her. Their courtship days were like chapters taken from a Barbara Cartland novel. My father simply adored my mother, and spending time with her was something he treasured as we saw him only during the weekends. His work as a medical sales representative often took him outstation and away from the family.

My father treated my mother like she was a fragile porcelain doll. He was always eager to please her and make her happy. My mother bore him six children during their 10 years together. I was the eldest. My youngest sister never got to see my dad for he passed away in 1957 after a short period of illness. My mom was heavily pregnant with her sixth child when my dad left her - forever.

My parents - Annie Goh Kwee Foung and Jackie Fu Fook Im (1947)

My mother will be 87 this October. She has never remarried, and has remained a widow all these past 56 years. I am sure she still misses my father, that is, on days when she can remember, when her mind is clear, and her memory is sharp. For my mom has Alzheimer's. The other day when I showed her this picture of my dad and her, I asked if she knew who the couple was. Without any hesitation, she said 'That's me and that's your father. But he's gone now. He was very good to me.'

Whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed, today is the day we celebrate LOVE. We should be celebrating love every day, in the little things we do, for the people we love. Love doesn't have to cost a cent. Love can be a genuine smile, a warm hug or an affectionate kiss. Or a good deed for someone we don't know but who needs our help.

HAPPY LOVE DAY, EVERYONE!

NO MORE LONELY DAYS AND NIGHTS

Valentine's Day has come and gone, but another one is coming right up this Sunday.  That's Chap Goh Mei, the fifteenth and last day of the Lunar New Year festivities. It is also celebrated as the Chinese Valentine's Day. It's the day when Chinese lasses and lads go out hoping to meet the future love of their lives. They bring along oranges to throw in the river and pray that their wish for a good life partner would be granted by the celestial powers above.

Source: The Star

The modern day practice is to write your name and contact number on the orange before casting it into the waters. Just make sure you use permanent ink! For an interesting read on how this tradition started, click here for the Star article.

Still holding hands and looking out for each other.

Virtually all celebrations of love are targeted at young people. What about older folks? Expressions of love are not the exclusive domain of the young. It would be lovely for a change to see, for example, print ads for Valentine's Day targeted at this demographic.

There is no longer any social stigma attached to older people who want to date or marry. Thank God for that! But we have to make that first move - step out of that cocoon we have built around us. It may be a bit scary for those of us who have not dated for many years. Fear no more. There are plenty of articles on the internet that offer tips on the Do's and Don'ts of dating for seniors. Here are a couple that I have checked out.

Five Tips for Seniors Dating After a Divorce or Death

Online Dating Safety Tips for Senior Women 

Looking for friends online is very popular in the UK and in the US. Indeed, the over-50s is the fastest growing group of people using online dating services. A word of caution though. Be careful who you befriend on the internet. It's still safer to meet people through mutual friends.

For those of us who are blessed to have our spouse / partner still around, but would like to know how to rekindle that old romantic spark in the relationship, do check out these articles:

Healthy Ways to Bring Romance Back 

Secrets to Making Marriage Work

Source: STOMP (Straits Times)

(Above) One of the most poignant love stories ever. Danny Li, 83, and Yuan Dibao, 82, first fell in love in 1953. But they only got married in September 2010 after being separated for 56 years. How many couples would wait that long to be together? Read the beautiful story here.

Get your orange ready for this Sunday and make your wish. May you find someone who will grow old together with you.

LOVE IS ALL AROUND US

Love is in the air and all around us today! Not celebrating? Not in a relationship? Who says Valentine's Day is exclusively for couples. It's a day when we express our love and appreciation for the people who matter in our lives. That means our family, friends, colleagues, hey, even our maid if she has been taking good care of us.

But of course, young romance sells better, and businesses love profits. So here we are, marking Valentine's Day as a day when young men buy flowers and chocolates for their lady love, and take her out for a romantic candlelight dinner. (Has it ever been the other way round?) If he is lucky and she appreciates his efforts, he will be duly rewarded after dinner.

So Valentine's Day is a day for florists and gift shops, How can they not love this day when their cash registers go 'ka-ching' all day long.

What about those not in a relationship? Surely there must be millions of them around the world. Throw a stone, and chances are it will hit someone who is single. Indeed, in Singapore, singles probably outnumber couples, married or otherwise. Ask the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports. They have limited success trying to play match-maker, despite setting up the Social Development Network to promote opportunities for singles to meet and hopefully find a life partner. The island nation's birth rate continues to decline and this has long been a source of concern for the government.

Finding your soul-mate is not that easy. You just can't hurry love. Cupid takes his/her time to shoot the arrow so that it doesn't hit the wrong person.

Fortunately times have changed, so has society's perception of single people. Single ladies, especially older ones, no longer have to suffer the stigma of being labelled 'spinsters'. What an awful word!

All the single ladies I know, and that includes yours truly, are happy with their current status. We celebrate our independence daily. We may be single but none of us are desperate. We have absolutely no intention of getting into a relationship, unless of course, that Man above has other plans for us. Some of us are separated or divorced, others are widows, and still others have been single all their lives and have left a long trail of broken hearts behind them. These ladies choose to remain single.


If anyone is feeling sad and lonely today and wishing they had someone to love and who loved them back, it's probably the young men and women in their prime of life. Look on the bright side, the money you save today can go towards that Samsung Galaxy Note II you have been eyeing. Besides, there's always another Valentine Day ahead, and always someone waiting somewhere for you if it's meant to be.

So how will I be spending my Valentine's Day? With the people I love most of all in the world - my grandchildren! Happy Valentine's Day!

LOVE IS ALL AROUND ON VALENTINE'S DAY

Photo: Straits Times

Did you know that 14 February is not only Valentine's Day but also World Marriage Day? The actual date is the second Sunday of February, but today Tuesday is just as good as any day for happily married couples to celebrate their years together. In Singapore 50 married couples participated in a 5-minute "Freeze Flash Mob" with the theme "Love in the City". Hats off to these couples for publicly reaffirming their love for each other.

Here's one of my favourite Beatles song to sing to your other half to mark this day. Enjoy!



Depending on who is marking the day, 14 February is also Singles Awareness Day. "When you are a couple, Valentine's Day is one of the most exciting days of the year. When you are single, you sometimes want to throw things at those happy couples," writes Kira Sabin. Read more about the singles' survival guide to Valentine's Day.

To all happily married couples and happy singles, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! More singalong with this video.

WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME WHEN I'M 64?

Happy Valentine’s Day to all senior couples celebrating this day. I think the happiest people today are probably those who make a bundle catering to couples who believe that love can be measured by how much they are willing to splurge on each other.

Prices have skyrocketed for roses and chocolate. Restaurants charge grossly inflated prices from RM328++ to as much as RM1000++ for a romantic candlelight dinner for two. I read of a hotel offering its most luxurious suite for RM23,000 for a night’s stay, complete with 100 stalks of roses and a violinist. In financially lean times like these, such indulgence would definitely be viewed as bad taste. In some countries, Anti-Valentine's Day protests are not uncommon.

On a lighter note, last Monday (February 9) was Chap Goh Mei aka the fifteenth and final night of the Lunar New Year. It was also the Chinese equivalent of Valentine’s Day. In Malaysia, this special night is celebrated with a fun-filled tradition. Single Chinese ladies would write their contact number on mandarin oranges before throwing them into the lake or sea in the hope of finding a partner.

Finding true love in a banana - or an orange!

The men would do the same, but with bananas. They would then scramble into the water to pick up the oranges in the hope that one of the oranges would lead them to their dream girl. However, not many girls would want to be seen fishing out bananas from the water. That would mean they were desperate for a man. Ah, the games that people play!

Love oranges for the picking.

Pardon me if I sound a tad cynical. To me, love should be expressed every day, not just on one special day of the year. Love can be demonstrated in so many ways, not necessarily with a price tag attached. And love is for all, not just for the young as often portrayed in the media.

This is what love is all about. It took this woman 20 minutes to move a short distance with the aid of her husband of 41 years. Young lovers take note. (Nava - Starpic)

For all the seniors out there who are single and available, don't lose hope of finding that special someone. Love comes softly when you least expect it. Wouldn't it be wonderful to hear that someone say these words:

Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.

~Robert Browning~

Loving each other every day for the rest of our lives.