TWO FACES OF AGEING: OLD AGE MAY BRING LOSS, BUT HOW WE AGE IS UP TO US

There is little point in harping on things that can’t be changed. Seniors should learn to accept whatever unfortunate circumstances they are dealt with and make the best of the situation. — Magnific

 

Ask young people in their 20s what they think of old people. You can bet they will come up with a long list of adjectives, mostly negative.

“Cranky, senile, grouchy, grumpy, loud, naggy, long-winded, stubborn, bossy, irritating, preachy, argumentative ...” – you get the picture. Of course, not all old people are painted this way. But this is generally how old people are perceived by the young. It depends very much on the elderly people they come into contact with or see in public places.

I have to say I do agree with them to some extent. By virtue of my community work, I meet elderly people every day at senior group activities, on public transport and at the aged care homes I visit.

How did old people get to be so cantankerous? Why do old people always complain? Why do they always insist they are right, that everyone, especially the young, should listen to them? They love to remind the young they have been there, done that, seen that. Bragging. How did they become such poor company to be with? I have asked myself the same questions too. Am I like that? At least sometimes?

We will all grow old one day, perhaps we should try to understand why old people are the way they are. Maybe we can learn what not to do, what not to be when our time comes. We can learn to age gracefully with dignity, and be loved and respected by all.

Empathy first

Let’s start by putting ourselves in the shoes of an 80-year-old man. He has limited funds and no source of steady income, so he complains about soaring prices. He recalls the old days when a cup of kopitiam coffee cost only 40sen. Now it’s RM3.60 or more at the mamak stall. More if he has a cup at a café.

There was a time when he could travel and enjoy an active social life. These days he is mostly at home alone, unable to venture out because he no longer drives and there’s no one free to take him out. His perennially busy adult children have little time for him.

Once upon a time he lived to eat. Now he eats to live. His diet is restricted to low-fat, no sugar and bland soft foods. No more of his favourite hawker food, no more culinary indulgences, all because he has a host of health problems to deal with that doesn’t allow him to eat whatever he fancies. Dental issues further limit his enjoyment of food. He shuffles in pain with every step he takes because of his weak knees and osteoporosis.

His hobbies no longer interest him. He has given up reading because of poor vision. He has little interest in watching TV as the programmes don’t appeal to him. His hearing is no longer what it used to be. He can’t explore the rich diversity of information on the Internet as he is computer-illiterate. He refuses to learn as he feels he is past the age of learning. He considers any new learning as useless to him at his age. Thus, he remains unteachable.

As a young man, he was blessed with good health and vitality. Now the passage of time has reduced him to a frail shadow of his former self, with all the accompanying aches and pain of old age. Few friends drop by to see him, as they are in the same boat as he is. He sits in his arm-chair or lies in bed the whole day long with only his memories of the good old days to keep him company.

It is no wonder such old people are bitter and grouchy. They have all the time in the world to gripe about everything under the sun, from high prices to corruption among politicians and uncaring children.

What a horrible way to grow old! We can’t stop growing old, but we can certainly choose how we want to grow old.

Choose wisely

We can choose to grow old complaining about things from A to Z. Or we can choose to focus our attention on the things that make us happy, like our grandchildren, like being able to look back at happy times with nostalgia, and not compare them with the present.

There is little point in harping on things that can’t be changed. We should learn to accept whatever unfortunate circumstances we are dealt with and make the best of the situation. Let’s embrace our twilight years with joie de vivre (the joy of living) and fill each day with love and gratitude, not bitterness or regret.

If we want our children and grandchildren to spend time with us, if we want friends to visit or invite us out, then we should ensure we are good company to be with. If we are always feeling sorry for ourselves, always complaining and comparing now and then, we become boring company that others want to avoid.

Let’s keep our personal stories to ourselves. Not everyone is keen to know about the highs and lows of our lives. Old people just love to go on and on, ignoring the look of boredom and feigned interest in their listeners.

What a horrible way to grow old!

It is the same with old women too. They still complain but much less than their husband. The big difference is they have many things to keep them busy like helping with the grandchildren, doing community work or taking up some short courses. They are too busy to waste time on wallowing in self-pity and regret.

Which begs the question – why do some men and women age better than others? What do they do that is different?

The answer lies in their attitude to life, to old age, how they deal with the downside of old age. They continue to take care of their health, physically and mentally. They think positive. They bring up the past only if it’s relevant and asked for. They don’t waste time on regrets and wishful thinking on what could have been. They face ageing with positivity. They are passionate about life, about the purpose of their being, about what and how they can contribute towards making their family and community happy.

Living with purpose

When we have a purpose or goal in our lives, it becomes the driving force for us to want to age well so that we can achieve it. That goal doesn’t have to be big. Size is immaterial. Dedication is what matters. That goal could be as simple as working to be a better grandparent, a better neighbour, a better friend. When we make others happy, we are making ourselves happy too.

It’s also about making an early start to being active, and maintaining it through the years. A daily regime of exercise strengthens our immune system and protects our body against frailty. That elusive fountain of youth is actually right within every one of us. But we need to work at it, take better care of ourselves in mind, body and spirit. When we enjoy good health, a happy family life and close friendships, we have nothing much to complain about. Life is good because we have worked to ensure that it is so. Laying the foundation early in our working life will result in a stress-free contented retirement. We become pleasant company to be with, for the young and not-so-young. That is how it should be, to grow old gracefully and with dignity.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in The Star on Wed 3 June 2926.)

THE COST OF NOT AGEING WELL

More seniors are getting serious about strength training exercises. Using resistance bands is a simple and effective way to strengthen muscles and prevent sarcopenia or muscle loss. — SHARON POON

 

According to data from the National Health and Morbidity Survey 2025, about 85.3% of our senior citizens are not ageing healthily. Only 14.7% meet the criteria for healthy ageing. This is not surprising.

We have seen evidence of this trend around us. The warning bell has rung over and over again, in report after report, in speech after speech by the health minister.

Perhaps we have become immune to these calls to take better care of our health. Perhaps we have too many temptations to fight against. It is much easier to just give in to bad lifestyle habits.

After all, we only live once. Why not throw caution to the wind? Live life to the fullest, enjoy all the bad habits while we can. Maybe we won’t live long enough to pay the price.

Who would want to live to an old age if our body is frail, our mind has grown senile and we are in pain every single minute?

We can’t avoid getting older each year, but biologically, those who have followed a regime of looking after their health and paying attention to what they eat and drink tend to age better, the columnist opines.

Time to change

But old age doesn’t have to be like this.

Whether we live in the cities, small towns or in the villages, Malaysians are generally aware of what constitutes a healthy lifestyle to age well.

We are constantly reminded by articles on health in the media, in the viral videos that so many of us forward in WhatsApp chat groups, and in the numerous talks and webinars on health.

We know what to do to remain fit and healthy, to avoid diseases and live to a ripe old age. It is common knowledge, and common sense. There’s no secret about it.

Exercise. Be active. Watch what we eat. Get enough sleep. Be socially connected. Take care of our physical and mental health. Avoid stress. Learn to relax. Don’t harbour anger, envy or regrets. Forgive and move on. Easy to advise, easy to listen to, nod and agree.

But, and here’s the problem: How many of us actually put all these Do’s and Don’ts into practice?

Knowing is not doing. Being inspired by what we read does not necessarily translate into being motivated by it. No one wants to live with aches, pains and be dependent on long term aged care.

But motivation requires action. What is the point of knowing something that can help us, but we don’t do anything about it? That knowledge remains passive, of no real benefit to us.

We can easily rattle off a list of what we should and should not do to age well. But all the advice given is useless if it just goes in one ear and out the other. Just blowing in the wind, but never catching it.

For a habit to form, it takes discipline to stick with something until our body gets so accustomed to it, we feel at odds if we skip it. Like brushing our teeth or having a cup of coffee in the morning to start the day.

Take exercise, for example. It requires effort to set aside a certain time to do stretching, strength training or just brisk walking on a regular basis.

We have become so good at making excuses not to do anything that takes effort, like getting up at 6am to exercise. Is laziness or inertia inborn? When we don’t feel up to doing anything that requires commitment, we find excuses for it.

“It’s so boring to exercise alone. I feel tired today; I don’t have time; I have urgent matters to see to; The gym equipment in my condo is so old. My knees hurt.” Take your pick from these excuses.

As for food, it takes almost superhuman effort to watch what we eat. It takes strong will power to walk through the food court in a shopping mall without succumbing to the temptation of donuts, desserts and ice cream lining both sides of our path.

Young Malaysians can’t resist processed food, packaged snacks, flavoured drinks and savouries. They will soon discover the heavy price to pay for years of consuming too much sugar.

Malaysia has the highest percentage of diabetes cases in Southeast Asia. Not a record to be proud of.

According to findings reported in the National Health and Morbidity (NHMS) Survey 2023, 84% of young Malaysian adults aged 18 to 29 were not aware they had diabetes. Unless there is early intervention, we will see a spike in serious complications resulting from undiagnosed diabetes in the years to come. The NHMS 2025 reports 39% of those aged 50 and above have diabetes.

The price of overeating and overindulgence in the wrong food can lead to a host of health issues, including obesity.

When we are overweight, we end up with heart problems. Our heart and our leg muscles have to do more work just to get us to move our body.

Changing habits

We can’t avoid getting older each year, but biologically, those who have followed a regime of looking after their health and paying attention to what they eat and drink tend to age better. They remain fit and energetic, and look 10 to 20 years younger than their chronological age.

A few aches here and there, greying hair and sagging skin are a natural part of ageing, but when we still have our five senses intact, when we are still mobile and have full cognitive function, we are ageing well.

That should be our goal and we should work towards it. Not to do so would mean ending up requiring assistance with activities of daily living, and paying hefty amounts for long term health care and medical insurance.

Listen to our body. It will give us early warning signs if something doesn’t feel quite right.

Some diseases develop silently and get progressively more serious over time. That is why it’s advisable to go for yearly screenings to be on the safe side. Outpatient fees for senior citizens at public hospitals is as low as RM1 to RM5, or free.

There really is no excuse for neglecting our health.

On a more positive note, we are seeing more older adults exercising in the parks, doing taichi, stretching and strength training with resistance bands.

Our Federal Territories Minister Hannah Yeoh has gazetted 539 green open spaces against illegal development. Good news indeed. To quote her, “Green spaces are more precious than gold for the well-being of city folks.”

The facilities in many of these parks have vastly improved. There are clean public toilets and more shelters against the vagaries of weather. There are also outdoor gyms that senior citizens can make use of.

We don’t need to spend much to keep fit and stay healthy as we age. Invest in a good pair of walking shoes, a set of stretch bands of different resistance to strength our muscles.

Drink enough water to remain hydrated, especially during this period of extreme hot weather. Sunlight is free. We need sufficient exposure to it for Vitamin D.

Fresh air is also free, so avoid staying indoors 24/7. No friends to accompany us? No transport? Excuses again!

When we are serious about our health, when we have experienced a medical procedure or surgery that costs us literally a leg, then and only then we wish we had taken better care of our health. But it could be too late.

The longer life span that we have now should come together with longer health span. Quality of life over quantity of years. When we age well, everyone benefits, not just us. Our children don’t have to spend a bomb on long-term care for us. Instead of allocating billions on building more hospitals and nursing homes, the government can invest more on community spaces that promote healthy activities.

Old habits die hard. New habits take time to develop and maintain. Let’s not make excuses. Let’s be serious and commit to adopting an active healthy lifestyle. The payback comes when we can live our retirement years fully mobile, independent and free from the need for long-term aged care. The time to start is now.

Be responsible for our health. No point regretting later when we are lying in a hospital bed, or confined to a wheelchair, with our body racked with pain. It would be too late then.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in The Star on Wed 6 May 2026.)

Why fading family traditions start right at home

When one generation fails to pass these to the next generation, when parents fail to teach their children, that’s how traditions fade into obscurity. —Freepik

Around this time of year, questions about whether I’ll be returning to my hometown for Cheng Beng inevitably start coming up.

“No” is my stock answer.

You see, I hardly knew my father except for a few memories of him during my primary school days. He passed away at age 37 from an illness. I was only nine then. I do recall visiting his grave a couple of times and helping to sweep away the piles of dry leaves and weeds that had accumulated over the preceding 11 months. I remember standing in front of the grave with joss sticks in my hands, listening to the elders praying aloud in Hokkien. Not all my siblings and relatives could be there. My paternal grandmother was unable to make the trip to the cemetery due to her age. It would mean travelling out of town and walking up a hill under the blazing sun.

As the years passed, I was told only a handful of family members would observe this annual ritual of visiting my father’s grave to pay their respects. Too troublesome, they complain as they have moved to other towns or settled overseas.

It is the same story I hear from my friends.

The number of family members visiting the cemeteries to pray to their dearly departed and do some “tomb-sweeping” has dwindled due to various reasons, mainly inconvenience and apathy.

The younger generation show little interest in such observances. To them, their grandparents and great grandparents are total strangers. They feel no attachment, no interest. The only time they get to know something about them is through the stories and anecdotes their parents occasionally share.

It was different for my mother. She passed away at age 95 in 2021. She was cremated and her ashes scattered in the sea. We preserve the memory of both my parents in a plaque posted on a remembrance wall in a Buddhist temple in Petaling Jaya.

Every year during Cheng Beng, only my brother, his wife and I pay our respects at the temple. Eventually when the three of us are gone, will anyone continue with this observance at the temple? I have my doubts.

Changing times

This is how traditions die or evolve with the times. Our elders, parents and grandparents are the story-tellers, curators of the family history and genealogy. They preserve and perpetuate the traditions and customs of their ancestry.

When one generation fails to pass these to the next generation, when parents fail to teach their children, that’s how traditions fade into obscurity. The same goes for dialects and mother tongue. In many Chinese homes, English or Mandarin is spoken, not Cantonese, Teochew or Hakka.

Children learn by observation, and the home is where it all begins, the writer reflects. Pictured is her youngest grandson with her mother, in a photograph taken several years ago. — LILY FU

Young English-educated doctors are finding it a problem communicating with their elderly patients who only understand dialect. My children hardly speak any dialect. My fault.

I never picked up enough dialect to speak it fluently to my daughters. Likewise with traditional practices such as preparing festive food at home. I still have fond memories of my elderly aunts sitting together in my grandma’s kitchen, spending hours preparing rice cakes for Chinese New Year, and rice dumplings for the Mid-Autumn Festival.

Now we can buy them in many varieties already cooked from stalls in Chinatown. So convenient. The same goes for ketupat. No need to source for young coconut leaves to weave into ketupat. Just buy ready-cooked ketupat from the shops, or purchase them online. Saves hours of weaving the ketupat by hand in time for the Raya celebrations.

Many traditions no longer remain – mainly because our parents didn’t practise them, didn’t teach us by example. My mother didn’t adopt most of these traditional practices, so I couldn’t learn from her. I didn’t have enough interest to learn on my own to pass it down to my children. Thus, this ignorance and indifference are perpetuated. Ultimately, we lose a part of our culture and traditions.

Children learn by observing and doing.

My 113-year-old role model and mentor Teresa Tsu once said, “There are no naughty children – only naughty parents.”

So very true. She probably meant parents who didn’t teach their children well about traditions, customs and values, including respect for the elders and filial piety.

Preserving traditions

Unlike heritage buildings which we can preserve (kudos to the excellent restoration work done on Seri Negara and Bangunan Sultan Abdul Samad), it’s a different story when it comes to preserving traditions and values, which are best taught by example and practice.

Let’s take the Confucian concept of filial piety. Like traditions, this is rapidly being redefined and reinterpreted to suit the current times. This is inevitable given the change in the structure of the family home.

The traditional three-generation family home filled with the laughter and cries of children is becoming rare, now replaced by an empty silence. The children have grown and flown, to start their own nest and fill it with their own brood.

This affects the bonding between the generations. The grandchildren are not exposed to how their parents treat their grandparents with respect and care. This gap can be narrowed if parents bring along their young children to visit the grandparents regularly.

Alternatively, grandparents can offer to help out by looking after the children on weekdays while their parents are at work. The onus is on the parents to ensure close family ties are maintained.

With technology, this can easily be done through regular online platforms such as Zoom or Whatsapp. When there is little intergeneration contact and communication, filial piety goes out the window. So does respect for the elderly.

I see this on a daily basis on crowded trains and buses. The young occupy priority seats while the elderly stand.

By extension, when filial piety is eroded, who among the adult children will offer to look after the remaining parent when the other is gone?

Who among them will invite the surviving parent to move in with them? The eldest son because it is expected of him? Or the daughter who is single or divorced? Will they do so willingly or grudgingly? Why?

Because it’s one extra mouth to feed and care for? Because the relationship has always been strained from the start?

As for the parents, how does this make them feel?

Frankly, most of the seniors I have spoken to prefer to live on their own, alone, rather than be a burden to the children. When it’s no longer safe for them to live alone due to increasing old age and comorbidities, the only option is either to move to an assisted living facility or a nursing home.

In the worst-case scenario, the elderly parent is packed off to a welfare old folk home. This is the reality facing the elderly living alone, and where there is a breakdown of family ties.

There are families where respect for the elderly is drummed into everyone, from the youngest child to the oldest. The parents show by example how they treat their elderly parents with little daily acts of care and gratitude. The children observe and soon learn to repeat these acts of kindness with their grandparents. It is not enough to teach, but for learning to take root, it must be practised till it becomes intrinsic, as part of one’s character.

To conclude, let’s make a concerted effort to improve family ties, preserve traditions and inculcate values. Home is where everything begins, where parents teach and show by example, and where children learn by observing and doing.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above articlewas first published in the print edition of The Star on Wed 8 April 2026.)

STEPS FORWARD TO GO, MORE TO GO

 

The writer acknowledges that Malaysians are fortunate to live in a country where women’s rights are recognised. However, she notes that work still needs to be done towards increasing women’s participation in sectors like political and corporate leadership. — Freepik

My mother’s generation grew up in the World War Two era when women had no voice, no official role to play in society. They were the family nurturer and caregiver, roles thrust upon them which they accepted without complaint or protest.

Being meek and submissive were much sought-after virtues in young women of those days. Many didn’t even have a say in who they wanted as their life partner. Their parents or professional matchmakers made the choice for them.

They were brought up to be seen, not heard.

I recall a quote which compares women to a bonsai tree. It alludes to how, when society keeps women small, and restricts their growth, their branches can shelter no birds and their wood is never allowed to reach its strength. A similar sentiment was expressed by poet Marge Piercy, in her poem A Work Of Artifice, in which she uses the metaphor of the bonsai tree to describe how a woman’s growth is often deliberately curtailed by social expectations and patriarchal norms.

Women were like ornaments if they were pretty, much like the trophy wives of today. But if they were poor and rough, they were like work-horses. That was the worth of women in the old days.

The women from my mother’s era were mostly tough physically and mentally, often raising as many as 10 children singlehandedly, and managing all the housework literally with bare hands, while the men went out to work. And when the men returned home, the women looked after them too.

They were multi-skilled and could handle several diverse roles equally well – from doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, feeding, nursing, disciplining and inculcating values in their children. It was a life of daily sweat, toil and stoicism.

The true emancipation of women came with access to education, from school right up to university. The women from my generation of Baby Boomers were the first to benefit from this. Paper qualifications opened the door to better jobs and financial independence. Women learned to drive and that gave them the freedom to venture further afield, explore more opportunities, develop confidence and cultivate a spirit of adventure.

Education opened up not only their eyes but more importantly, their minds. Women began to change their mindset and shed of their “I’m not good enough” mentality. They stopped viewing themselves as good only for child-bearing, housekeeping and bed-warming. They realised that given the right opportunities and support, they could excel in anything they chose.

The Malaysia Gender Gap Index (MGGI), 2025 records a small but positive rise in women’s participation in almost every sector. The exception is political empowerment where women represented only 16.1% of ministerial positions, and 13.5% in the House of Representatives. This disparity is significant and highlights the ongoing challenges in achieving gender balance in political leadership in Malaysia. As we shall see, this has ramifications in passing legislations to protect vulnerable women – those identified as poor, single, elderly, without much education, and unable to fend for themselves.

It’s also an uphill task for women to shine in the corporate sector.

Opportunities are there but limited, and gender discrimination is still practised. There is always this nagging concern that it’s money down the drain to train women and groom them into captains of industry. Once they are in the family way, they either go on extended maternity leave or opt out of the work force altogether to raise their children. It is no wonder young women opt to delay marriage and having children for as long as possible, or choose to remain single. Career and financial security come first.

Formidable force

Along with jobs came earning power and purchasing power. Today women consumers are a formidable force that cannot be ignored. They spur growth in the market and the economy. Among older women, the power of female ­consumers is even more profound as they are now reaping the benefits of having their retirement savings at their disposal.

Women are born shoppers. Women shop not only for themselves, but also for their children, their husbands and for their home. They decide what household appliances to buy, what groceries and health supplements for the family.

Increasingly, they are shopping for technical products too, such as laptops, mobile phones and other gadgets.

It is common knowledge from decades of observations that in most family ­households, it is the lady of the house who wields considerable influence on her husband when making decisions on big item purchases. A joint account also gives women more freedom to make purchases. They are often the ones who do the bookings, make reservations and handle the family’s accounts and budget. The rise in the number of single professional women as well as single moms further enlarges the pool of female consumers.

Indeed, women are making their numbers count in almost every sector of the economy and industry. More younger women are emerging as successful entrepreneurs, with many running their own online businesses.

We are fortunate to live in a country where women’s rights are recognised and the government places importance on the safety and protection of women and children.

Senior women (and one male ally) at the recent ‘Women in Tech: Innovating, Leading, Transforming the Future’ conference held in Kuala Lumpur, in conjunction with International Women’s Day recently. — LILY FU

Yes, we have come a long way since my mother’s World War Two days, thanks to decades of advocacy by women leaders like Zainah Anwar, Maria Chin Abdullah, Datuk Ambiga Sreenevasan and Ivy Josiah. We are indebted to women-led NGOs like WAO (Women’s Aid Organisation), AWAM (All Women’s Action Society) and SIS Forum (formerly Sisters in Islam). They have remained strong defenders of women’s rights.

The United Nations’ theme for International Women’s Day 2026 is “Rights. Justice. Action. For all women and girls.”

The fact that the UN sees the need to choose this theme is an indication that there is still work to be done to stop violence, discrimination and exploitation of women and girls.

We need to push for reforms in the protection of older women and men. According to the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry, almost 16% of the 30,228 cases of domestic violence from 2020 to January 2025 involved elderly victims. This is probably the tip of the iceberg. Official cases cannot be relied on as many abused elderly do not make reports, especially when the abuser is a family member.

With less than 16% women leaders in ministerial posts, it will be a long slow wait for legislation to be passed to protect our elderly against abuse and neglect. It has been more than 15 years since the Maintenance of Parents Act was brought up. Every year we are told the Senior Citizens Bill will be tabled, read in Parliament and passed. Well, there is still no sign of it.

How many more years do the elderly have to wait? Many are already in their twilight years.

The overall report card on the role of women going forward is fairly positive. Both the private and public sectors should be prepared and be ready to adjust projections for the 2030s and beyond.

Whether it’s on the domestic front, in social and corporate circles, in the economy, in aged care and retirement homes, the future is definitely female. And it’s not only because women enjoy longer life expectancy, it’s because they are making their presence felt in almost every sphere and walk of life. They are proving their worth after a history of suppression, repression and servitude. They are finally coming out on their own. There are still miles to go but there is momentum, there is acceleration, and that is an encouraging sign.

We have learned to appreciate small blessings, however slow they are in coming.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition of The Star on Wed 11 March 2026. It can be accessed HERE.)

FINDING FULFILMENT IN RETIREMENT

 

I retired in 2005 after teaching at the same school for 30 years. The first two years of retirement were blissful. I enjoyed the freedom of not having to wake up at dawn to get to work by 7am.

I had plenty of time on my hands to do what I wanted, go where and when the travel bug took me. After two years of self-indulgence, a certain emptiness, even boredom, started to creep in. I simply couldn’t see myself spending the next 20 years or more aimlessly drifting from one interest to another, searching for something that would ignite a passion in me.

I attended enrichment courses, signed up for personal development workshops and the like. I was searching, waiting, for what I didn’t know at the time. In the process I obtained certificates, one after another, qualifying me to conduct training workshops in leadership skills and language mastery. Still the vague feeling of something missing in my life remained.

I am sharing this as I know most newly retired seniors will experience this initial joy of freedom from work responsibilities and stress, like I did, and later on discover that retirement can be a long period of adjusting to a new chapter of life and plenty of searching for that elusive “meaning in life”.

How we handle this period of uncertainty will determine how our retirement years will turn out. With longer life spans, we need to find something that captures our interest and sustains it long enough to keep us looking forward to each new day. Otherwise, retirement can be long endless days of boredom. The days will stretch into weeks, months and years of emptiness, eventually leading to loneliness, depression and health issues. More so for those in their 80s, and living alone. One can see why some reach a point of saying they have nothing left to live for.

Where hope resides

I am a firm believer in hope, and in never giving up. Where there is hope, something will come our way. That was what happened to me.

In 2008 I read in the newspapers about a four-day programme for pre-retirees and retirees to help them “find purpose in the golden years”. It caught my attention. This was exactly what I was looking for.

It was an open invitation for Malaysians aged 50 and above to participate in the MIM-RAMLEA Life Enrichment programme, organised by the Malaysian Institute of Management (MIM) and supported by Konrad Adenauer Stiftung (KAS), Germany. The Raja Mohar Life Enrichment Awards (RAMLEA) Programme was named after the late YABM Raja Tun Mohar Raja Badiozaman, who served as the second MIM President.

It was just the opportunity for me, as I was still in search of my life’s purpose.

I immediately sent in my application and was fortunate to be among the 30-odd men and women selected for the free residential programme which ran from Oct 16-19, 2008 at the Flamingo Hotel in Ampang, Kuala Lumpur.

It was an intensive four days of talks, discussions, field visits and fellowship, beginning at 8.30am with the first talk of the day, and ending at 10.30pm with a group discussion and reflection.

The participants came from all walks of life. The common denominator was their age group. All were retiring or retired senior citizens, with the oldest aged 70. We were there probably for the same reason – to find out how we could render our services to society. To help us discover our purpose in life, the MIM-RAMLEA programme raised our awareness in areas such as community development, environmental conservation and volunteerism.

A week before the programme commenced, participants were sent a collection of required readings centered on Universal Values and Human Renewal. These included extracts from the speeches and writings of world luminaries like Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Hans Kung, Amartya Sen, Konosuke Matsushita, and our very own Harun Hashim. I found the readings intellectually stimulating.

To those wanting to work for the betterment of society, it was imperative that they understood universal values such as human rights, rule of law, and global ethics.

We had group discussions to brainstorm each of the readings, and came up with a list of 15 universal values and 15 concerns that mattered most to us as fellow Malaysians. Top of the list for universal values (in no particular order) were integrity, love, compassion, understanding, respect, and wisdom. Corruption, disharmony, poverty, environmental degradation, injustice and indifference were among the main concerns.

It made sense to me personally, that before we could even begin to help others, we should start with ourselves. Do we have the right mindset, the right attitude and the right attributes to embark on a mission to help the less fortunate in society? How serious are we in volunteering to help? Do we know enough of what’s at stake? If our answer to all these questions is no, then our contribution in terms of our dedication, time and effort would not be sustainable. We would soon give up after the initial enthusiasm of doing good.

We were introduced to the selfless work of NGOs such as Nasam (National Stroke Association of Malaysia) and Salam (Yayasan Salam Malaysia). We also paid a visit to the Malaysian Association for the Blind (MAB). The latter was an eye-opener for many of us. We wondered whether we had in us the same level of commitment and passion shown by volunteers like Puan Rosnah Alimuda, who had spent 35 years of her life (at the time) teaching visually-impaired children to read, write and count using Braille.

Participants were given a basic test to check their vital statistics for optimal health. Imagine our shock when we were told that the majority of us (including the thinnest) were classified as obese! It was truly a wake-up call for us to take better care of our health.

We tend to emphasise the importance of having good health, but often overlook the importance of cultivating a healthy mind. Participants went through a meditation session where we learned how to calm our mind. We were given an insight into how being mindful can positively impact our lives. Recommended reading were Eckhart Tolle’s two books: The Power Of Now and A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life’s Purpose.

Thanks to the MIM-RAMLEA programme, I finally found my purpose and direction in my golden years – to commit my time, energy and resources to serving the community, in particular, the community of senior citizens. Being one myself, I could relate to the needs and problems they go through.

A chosen path

Once my future direction was clear, everything fell into place. As I have often shared in my talks and conversations with the young and not so young alike, never give up even when the path you have chosen is fraught with challenges. Keep going.

When your passion is strong, it acts like a magnet drawing the right people to help you, attracting the resources to sustain you. It has worked extremely well for me, and it will work for you too.

Why am I sharing the above? It is to encourage retirees to do something constructive with the time they have. There are many NGOs that need more hands, more funds. Choose one that gels with you: Wildlife conservation, animal protection, recycling, preserving cultural heritage, mentoring youths, elder care, advocacy.

It can be helping out at soup kitchens or spending time cheering up the elderly at an aged care facility. We can also come up with projects to help raise much-needed funds for welfare organisations. If we can’t donate money, we can donate our time, our energy, our expertise. There is a certain satisfaction in knowing that we have helped. Volunteerism benefits us too. It promotes social interaction, builds confidence, and leads to overall wellbeing. It gives us a sense of achievement to know that we are not idling away, complaining of boredom and loneliness.

Let’s ask ourselves what we can do to help. Then go and offer it. We will find a sense of purpose and meaning in our retirement years. A sense of pride and peace too.

Trust me. It’s been an 18-year journey of community service and advocacy for seniors. I am still waking up each morning in anticipation of what the new day will bring, and what I can do to make it a good day for others too.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition on Wed 11 Feb 2026. It is accessible HERE.)

NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNINGS

 

It’s easy to say that age is just a number but when faced with the reality of our reflection in the mirror, we can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness and regret. — GRACE WILLIAM

Another new year has begun. Another year older for all of us. While the young eagerly look forward to a year full of possibilities, the old wish they could slow down the merciless march of time.

It’s easy to say that age is just a number but when faced with the reality of our reflection in the mirror, we can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness and regret. Can’t we slow down time? Can’t the hours stretch a bit longer? Can’t the earth spin a little slower?

A friend remarked this morning in our chat group that it’s quite depressing for seniors to be reminded that we will be one year older, and one step closer to kicking the bucket.

It’s true Baby Boomers are looking much younger than their age these days. After all, 60 is the new 40, they say, thanks in part to cosmetic aids and medical advances.

However, there are certain parts of the body that reveal our real age, that no amount of clever cosmetic tricks will cover up for long. Let’s leave aside surgical procedures that enhance one’s physical appearance. After all, how many of us have the financial resources to go down that expensive route to looking “youthful”?

This tongue-in-cheek post is dedicated to those among us to whom “60 is the new 40” does NOT apply. We look our age, and for some, even older than our age!

Facing the hard truth

Ageing doesn’t arrive all at once. It settles gradually into different parts of the body, sometimes so subtly we barely notice. While these changes are natural and deeply individual, some areas tend to reflect age more clearly than others. This list looks at 10 body parts that often reveal how time leaves its mark.

1. Face

No prizes if you got this right. The lines on our face tell the truth – that we are no spring chicks. More like autumn turkeys if you know what I mean. The lines reveal our age just like the rings on a tree tell how long it has been around.

2. Knees and elbows

From years of wear and tear, the skin covering these joints resemble the roughness and toughness of elephant skin or alligator skin. Take your pick.

3. Skin

Like the migratory birds that fly south during the winter months, our skin goes south too. Unfortunately for us, it is a permanent southward migration. In old age, our skin loses its elasticity and literally “hangs loose”.

4. Eyes

From “dreamy eyes” to “droopy eyes”. If only we could iron out those laughter lines or “crows feet” that surface each time we laugh out loud. No wonder we seldom see older women react to jokes no matter how hilarious!

5. Neck

Now you know why older women wear scarves or opt for clothes with a high collar despite the discomfort in our hot weather. The dreaded “turkey neck” syndrome afflicts all of us, sooner or later.

Our wrinkled, gnarled hands are often a dead giveaway of our age. — Pexels

6. Hands

There is no way we can hide our wrinkled, gnarled hands. They are a dead giveaway of our age. When my grandson was four, he was fascinated by the folds on my hands and kept trying to see if he could smoothen them out!

7. Hair

Not only does our hair turn grey, silver, white, it goes into free-fall whenever we brush it. The horror of removing clumps of hair from the hair brush and from the bathroom floor. See a senior man wearing a cap, you can bet he’s hiding a bald patch.

8. Teeth

The number dwindles with advancing age. Only solution – dentures or implants. That explains why most older folks prefer soft foods, and why they avoid showing teeth when they smile.

9. Breasts

This affects women more than men. No longer firm and perky, the breasts now swing freely and resemble a certain elongated fruit – papaya. Padded bras are the cheaper alternative for those who can’t afford breast implants or dread surgery of any kind.

10. Private parts

This body part in older men spends more time hanging down than pointing up. No amount of massage or Tongkat Ali will revive it to its former glory. Fortunately, there’s the little blue pill – a life-saver for grandpas that still want some action.

Look beyond the signs of ageing

Depressing, isn’t it? We miss how we used to look. No wonder many of us avoid looking in the mirror, especially a full-length one. The years do take a toll on our body.

If we look at ourselves in the mirror when we wake up on the first day of the new year, and especially on the morning of our birthday each year, if all we see are sagging skin and greying hair or a bald patch, no wonder we feel depressed.

The secret is to switch our focus, to look beyond, or deep inside that reflection in the mirror. We will see that youthful, playful spirit still dwelling within all of us. Try it. I have, and I can tell you it works!

Growing old is natural and inevitable. So why fight it or try to reverse it? We should look at our wrinkles as life-lines of experience, and our greying hair as threads of wisdom.

Begin each day with a smile at ourselves in the mirror. Say “Hi” to that person smiling back at us. Not only does smiling make us look younger, it also brightens up our day. No need for Botox fillers or cosmetic surgery. Share that smile with the people we come into contact with during the day.

Or would we rather wake up grouchy and whining about our aches and pains, and complaining about how the world owes us our happiness? Do we want to spend the whole day spreading misery to those around us, and looking for people to wallow in self-pity with? What an utter waste of precious time! No wonder we are poor company for our friends and grandchildren!

And we wonder why young people see us as decrepit old fogies ready to crumble into dust or ashes any minute. That’s how many of us see ourselves too. Is that why we avoid looking at the mirror unless we have our make-up on? A smile works much better than cosmetics – it lifts up our face instantly and pushes back the years.

Let’s focus on our many blessings. We should be grateful we can wake up to greet each new dawn and enjoy each beautiful sunset. As is often said, growing old is a privilege denied to many. This is so true as we all know of friends who have left us way too soon.

Looking great has a lot to do with feeling great. It’s more important to remain young at heart and in spirit than looking young in appearance. A truly loving spouse or friend will see beyond the external and look deep into that beauty of soul and spirit that still reside inside all of us. We must continue to nurture that inner youthfulness and keep it forever young.

It’s really up to us, isn’t it, how we want to live each day, each year. Let’s not smile only for the camera. Let’s have a smile in our hearts too. Smile more and spread smiles as we welcome another new year.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition on Wed 14 Jan 2026. It is accessible HERE.)