DONT' LET CLUTTER TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR HOME AND YOUR LIFE

If you find it extremely stressful to throw anything of yours away, you may have a hoarding problem. - LUCIA SORRENTINO/Unsplash

‘One man’s treasure is another man’s trash’. How true when it comes to our earthly belongings. Our treasure could be junk to our children. We are from different generations, with different lifestyles and different tastes.

The more stuff we accumulate, the bigger the burden we leave for our children to dispose of when we pass on, as we all will, eventually.

It’s time to start getting rid of things we no longer have any use for. Decluttering makes sense. No need to wait till we are in our twilight years to do so. Decluttering frees up space in our home and keeps it clean and tidy, spick and span.

There is also less risk of tripping and falling when there is less clutter. The home is better ventilated and easier to maintain. It creates a conducive and healthy environment for work and relaxation. With less clutter, we not only think better but also locate items we are looking for more easily.

Indeed, a number of my friends have already started the process. They have hosted garage sales to dispose of stuff they no longer want. Some have gone online to sell their preloved items at a bargain. Others have donated unwanted items to charity or sent them to recycling centres. One even generously gave away her expensive quality furniture on a first-come basis!

As for me, I have a very long way to go before I can honestly give myself a pat on the shoulder and say, ‘Well done! Marie Kondo would be proud of me!’

I have cupboards and boxes full of books, files, photos and numerous Teachers Day gifts accumulated over 35 years of teaching. Then there is my home library of books I have bought over the years, with many still unread and gathering dust and attracting silverfish! A predicament very familiar to retired seniors.

So, declutter I will, and the sooner I get started, the quicker I can enjoy the comfort of an airy, clean and spacious home. Not only does clutter deprive us of space and a tidy home, more importantly, it affects our health. We are at risk of developing respiratory problems from the dust and suffering bites from mites. Minimalism is the way to go for seniors.

I have contacted a few former colleagues who teach English and offered them my collection of textbooks and reference books. I have left several boxes of books with the PJ library. Strangely enough, it wasn’t too painful a decision to part with the books. I felt a sense of relief knowing the books would be in good hands and put to good use.

There were plenty of takers for my prized collection of cassettes and CDs of popular songs from the 1960s-70s. It was painful for me to part with them as some of the songs marked certain poignant moments in my past.

Next up were my clothes. Believe me, I still have clothes from the 1960s, like my Form Five graduation dress which I had designed and persuaded my dear seamstress, Aunt Bertha, to sew for me. I had kept it for nostalgic reasons.

Also, the sexy high-slit, figure-hugging glittering cheongsam that I last wore at my birthday party during my Form Six days at English College, Johor Bahru. I have been preserving these outfits in the hope that I’ll slim down enough to wear them again someday. Fat chance! It is a miracle these outfits have stood the test of time.

Seniors will tell you things from the old days were more durable, unlike today’s products that are not made to last.

A good idea would be to keep clearing your possessions in small batches to avoid hoarding.- LILY FU

Don’t be a hoarder

The sudden urge to clean up my apartment was also a result of seeing some horrific images and videos of hoarders and their homes. Just do a search of hoarders on FB and YouTube, and you’ll be appalled.

Imagine the horror of living in a house where every inch of space from floor to ceiling is filled with junk and garbage, not to mention infested with rats, cockroaches and other unmentionables! This is accumulating stuff to the extreme!

When we don’t declutter and keep on adding more stuff, we are at risk of falling victim to Diogenes Syndrome, also known as senile squalor syndrome. Google the term.

Hoarders are often older adults who live on their own. With no one to stop them from accumulating stuff, and with the whole house to themselves, they start filling up every room with anything they can lay their hands on, in the belief that it will come in handy someday. That day usually never comes, and so the boxes and bags of useless items keep growing. Eventually the whole place becomes a fire threat and a death trap!

After years of hoarding, the hoarder gets so overwhelmed when he looks around him that he doesn’t even know where to begin clearing even if he wants to. So, he gives up and continues to let the junk pile up.

I can understand why some elderly people hoard. They find it hard to throw away things. They have been through the war years in the 1940s when food and basic necessities were in short supply. They have experienced the lean years.

So now they collect anything and everything, from empty containers and plastic bags to used newspapers and magazines. They see every item as being of use some day. When this habit extends to leftover food and perishables, you can imagine the stink it creates, not to mention the flies it attracts. The nightmare is compounded if the hoarder also brings home stray cats and dogs.

So, my spring cleaning has begun. If I wait till the new year, I may never get started. Procrastination is the thief of time. The process will take time, and it will be heart-breaking. Long retired seniors like me have a lifetime of mementos and memories that we hold precious and keep for sentimental reasons: School report cards, baby photos, love letters, diaries, 33 rpm records ... the list goes on.

But there are some items I will never throw out, like my high school essay book containing the compositions I wrote back in 1964 when I was sweet sixteen! Also handmade birthday cards from my children and grandchildren. They will enjoy the memories these cards bring up. These are among the favorite things that I will keep close to my heart.

Here are some tips I can think of on how to avoid cluttering our home. I’ll be the first person to follow my own advice!

• Throw out or donate anything that you haven’t used or worn for the past two years. It may pain you but be firm.

• Avoid buying anything you don’t have any immediate use for. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking “Hmm...this might come in handy one day”.

• Practice sorting things and keeping them in separate compartments. This not only saves space but makes it easier to locate things.

• Regularly go through your fridge and pantry. Check food items for their expiry date. If expired, chuck them out.

• Get rid of the “bargain mentality”. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need just because it’s on offer at a fantastic discount. Keep purchases to a minimum, especially if you are living alone. Don’t be taken in with those “Buy six, Free one”.

• If something is broken, throw it out. Don’t hang on to it in the hope that you will be able to repair it. That may never happen.

Avoid buying items for a future project unless you can commit to it. Examples: buying a sewing machine to sew a baby quilt for your future grandchild; investing in a full set of handyman tools because you plan to be Mr D.I.Y. Home Fix-It, only to discover later that home repairs are best done by a professional!

Who knows where we may live 10, 20 years from now. There may come a day when we have to move to a smaller house. Empty nesters may have to seriously consider downsizing for practical reasons. We may end up moving to our daughter’s house so she could better care for us in our old age. Or we may find ourselves in an aged care home. If any of that happens, imagine all the stuff we will have to dispose of, moving from a 3-room family home to a single room!

It’s never too early or too late to start decluttering. Just do it!

When it comes to the last goodbye, we have to leave all our possessions behind. We came into this world with nothing, and will leave with nothing. The true worth of our lives is measured by our experiences, not our possessions. It is enough if we can say we have left behind a legacy of beautiful memories for our loved ones.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(This article was first oublished in the print edition of The Star on Wed 28 Aug 2024. The online edition can be accessed at the link below)

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2024/08/30/not-quite-in-plain-sight/

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL....

 
by LILY FU

In our youth, we loved the mirror. It was kind to us. We looked at our reflection first thing in the morning, last thing before we went to bed at night and countless times in between. We would never pass by a mirror without taking a peek at ourselves in it.

But, as the years roll by, we avoid this habit. Indeed, we dread to see the ageing reflection of ourselves – wrinkles, sagging skin, droopy eyes and all. Quite depressing.

As if to remind me that I am not spared, of late, images of ageing celebrities have been popping up on my Facebook. Celebrities who were once upon a time my teenage pop idols in the 1960s are now octogenarians.

Mick Jagger is 80, Paul McCartney, 82 and Bachelor Boy Cliff Richard is now 83. The “Young Ones” are now the “Young Once”! Age has also not spared the movie sweethearts from my school days. Goldie Hawn has turned 78, Ali MacGraw is a greying 85. The granddaddy of all must be Clint Eastwood at 94. Such painful reminders!

Some have aged well like fine wine; others are doing all they can to fight the physical ravages time has wreaked on them.

Whatever the heart desires

Let’s face it. Ageing is something that happens to all of us. At best, we can camouflage the lines with cosmetics, hide the grey hair with colour and, if we have the money, go for botox, face lifts, eyelid surgery, rhinoplasty and hair transplant. It’s not only facial. We can also go for a complete physical makeover of the body – breast implants, liposuction, silicone buttock implants and whatever the heart desires.

If money is not an issue, regaining physical youthful beauty is possible and available, from head to toe. Plastic surgeons are the darlings and gurus of rich older women.

If all else fails, and if we need reassurance that we still look good at our age, there is always digital technology to enhance our looks. Remember the days of glamour photos in the early 2000s? The photo studio would touch up the photos and make us look like cover girls. Now with filters on our smartphones and AI apps, we can be digitally transformed in a matter of seconds into a Ms Malaysia hopeful!

This desire to still look young and pretty stems from the social stigma attached to ageing. Why are women in particular so defensive about disclosing their age?

A simple question “How old are you?” is invariably answered with “Guess!” – No straight answers there. It becomes a game, an annoying one.

Why do women pour so much money into futile attempts to stay forever young? Judging by the advertisements in men’s magazines, our male counterparts are feeling the same way about turning back the clock.

More men are now chasing that elixir of youth too, as evident from the rising demand for skincare products for men.

Growing old is natural and inevitable. Why fight it or try to reverse it? That would be like trying to stem the tide. Age is just a number. We should be proud of our age. No need to hide it. We should look at our wrinkles as life-lines of experience, and our greying hair as threads of wisdom.

There is no such thing as “anti-ageing” and “reverse ageing”. These are terms popularly used to market beauty and skin care products. At best we can slow down the ageing process.

With an active, healthy lifestyle, we can look younger than our chronological age. Don’t be taken in by commercials that promote miracle anti-ageing products that promise to take years off our age within weeks. There are no short-cut fixes to prevent ageing. It takes effort, not miracles.

The youthful seniors among us are born with great genes that slow down the ageing process.

They look terrific for their age, whatever it is. We have all met such blessed individuals and secretly admire them, envy them.

For those among us who can only afford medium price-range cosmetics to look good, be comforted to know that less is always more when it comes to make-up for older women.

Unless we know how to apply make-up expertly to look younger and more natural, we may end up looking like a painted Chinese opera performer.

Piling on heavy makeup actually makes us look old! It’s a futile attempt at covering up. Who are we kidding?

Branded cosmetics are expensive. Wearing make-up is addictive. Once we are used to having our face all made up whenever we go out, or when we have company, we will feel naked to be seen sans make-up. It is ironic to pay for cosmetics that promise to give users that ‘bare’ or natural look!

Where are the over-50s in beauty advertisements? After all, there are plenty of beautiful older women who look good enough to lend credibility to skincare products that are being promoted. - NASHUA VOLQUEZ-YOUNG/Pexels

Confident women don’t mind being seen in public with minimal make-up on their face. They know outer beauty is only skin-deep. It is what’s inside that makes them glow on the outside – inner strength of character and a positive attitude towards life. A cliché but true.

Having a passion for a worthy cause or devoting our time to helping others nourishes the joie de vivre in us. An excellent example is theatre doyen Faridah Merican, 84, a natural beauty sans makeup. She has found her calling in life and that keeps her youthful.

If going under the knife to look good makes you feel confident about yourself, or if you are doing it for functional reasons rather than aesthetic like getting dental implants, by all means go for it. Just don’t overdo it or you might end up looking really fake with all that plastic surgery.

Make sure you get an experienced and certified surgeon. There have been too many cases of surgeries gone wrong with the patient ending up with permanent scars or worse – disfigurement.

And if you are prepared to spend on costly anti-ageing products, make sure you do the research and find out if the products are genuine and effective. Otherwise, it’ll be money down the drain.

Where are the older models?

It’s time for the beauty industry to feature older women in their ads especially those promoting skincare and hair growth products. Enough of featuring women in their 30s and 40s to promote anti-wrinkle creams.

There is no shortage of beautiful women in the 50s and above who look youthful enough to lend credibility to the skincare product they are promoting.

With the world’s ageing population growing, the anti-ageing industry can only go from strength to strength in terms of revenue generated. This includes supplements to help us regain and retain vitality.

Aesthetic surgeons will likely be among the most sought after of medical professionals, as there will always be men and women who refuse to accept growing old.

For the rest of us who prefer to let nature take its course, just remember that growing older isn’t all that dreadful if we still enjoy good health, have plenty of good friends and a family that loves us and cares about us.

So let us accept ageing as inevitable, smile and make every single day count by living it positively. That to me is ageing gracefully.

Michelle Yeoh gestures in Paris, France, during the opening ceremony of the 2024 Summer Olympics. Yeoh, according to the columnist, is a great example of how to age gracefully.- AP

Our very own Michelle Yeoh, now officially a senior citizen at 61, is showing us just how to age well.

The same with DJ Dave who is a dashing 76!

It takes courage to accept ageing. Not all succeed. When we harbour negative emotions like regrets, bitterness, self-pity, we will soon spiral down into depression. That’s the fastest way to age. We will end up looking older than our age.

Invest in joy, love, forgiveness, gratitude. Eat sensibly. Exercise regularly. Enjoy the sunshine.

Nourish our skin with moisturisers. Smile often. Have a hearty laugh every now and then. Make positive words a part of our daily vocabulary. Think good thoughts.

Know the most effective way to look good? SMILE! It’s instant, free, easy and guaranteed to make us look good and feel good. That’s why we smile for photos. A genuine friendly smile given is almost certain to be reciprocated. Try it.

The next time you look in the mirror, tell yourself this:

“I will wear my age with pride, like a badge of honour, for I have conquered; I have thrived; I have survived!”

(Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to get connected and enjoy social activities for ageing well.)

The above article was first published in the print edition of the Star on 31 July 2024, and the online edition on 2 August 2024.