BETTER TOGETHER - When Generations connect, everyone benefits

Seniors enjoying strength training exercises in the park, with the guidance from younger fitness coaches. Photos: LILY FU

 

I have always been interested in community initiatives, particularly those that contribute to the well-being of senior citizens and the elderly. However, of late, my focus has broadened to include the younger generations as well.

Instead of focusing on the differences between generations and trying to bridge the divide, why not look at what each generation brings to the table –working together for mutual benefit and understanding? Whether it be at the family level or at the workplace, each generation has something to offer the other.

The young have physical strength, energy and are technologically savvy. The older generation have more life experiences, values and lessons to share. Each generation can fill the gaps in the other generation.

The first gap that springs to mind is the technological gap. Baby boomers now in their 70s grew up in an era where most things were done manually and communication was on a personal face-to-face level. They feel lost in the digital ecosystem where everything is done via electronic devices and gadgets, and apps on smartphones. They are confused and bewildered in a world that is unfamiliar to them.

They need help with online registrations. They forget passwords. Biometrics is alien to them. They don’t trust online banking and cashless transactions. They get into a panic and become flustered when the short time limit to execute an online transfer closes in on them. Many are clueless about ordering food online and booking e-hailing rides. Yet there are those who refuse to learn. Too complicated, they say, and there’s also the fear of being scammed.

This is definitely one area where the young can step in to teach their elders digital skills and online safety. However, they must have empathy and patience to guide them through the instructions, step by step.

It’s not that older adults can’t learn. They just take a bit longer. That is why family members are usually not the best teachers. Familiarity breeds impatience and frustration. It’s much easier to teach other seniors but not your parents and more so your grandparents. Anyone teaching older adults must bear in mind that they may have issues with hearing and vision, on top of not understanding technical jargon. Adjustments have to be made for effective learning and teaching.

Understanding and empathy

An understanding of the principles of geragogy is essential for those involved in teaching older adults. Seniors can provide feedback on digital apps and devices meant for older users. They may find the navigation too confusing and the features not age-friendly. Their feedback helps adjustments to be made for improvement.

Don’t ever think that seniors are beyond learning. Give them a reason to pick up new skills, new knowledge and they will rise to the occasion. Look how they take so enthusiastically to WhatsApp. It’s their favourite means of communication with friends and family. They are fully aware they need to embrace new technologies or be left behind when the rest of society moves on. All they need is some guidance.

Older adults must cooperate too and be willing to learn. There are those who think they are too old to learn new things. With such a negative mindset no one can teach them anything. They have made up their mind. This is the worst kind of ageism: Self-ageism.

Instructor Osama (blue top front row) with his senior students at one of his digital skills workshops.  

The private sector can pitch in to help empower older adults. A leading institution of higher learning has offered our senior community a free venue for workshops on digital skills, and a young IT-savvy instructor to teach us. To date, he has conducted 20 workshops covering a broad range of topics and apps for services and recreation. Indeed, technology companies can help support similar initiatives to bring older adults into the digital economy.

The young team of trainers helping Lily and her peers build and maintain their muscle strength.

Yie Xiang and Jun Hong were indispensible at our recent Seniors Bazaar. They helped to carry, lift, and move items. They were a huge help in offerimg assistance for the vendors.

Older adults can also tap on the muscle strength of the young in carrying and lifting, as in setting up a space for an event. Our community regularly organises activities that require arranging tables and chairs, setting up the projector and sound equipment, as well as running around to ensure everything goes smoothly. We appreciate their efforts to give us a helping hand.

A win-win solution

To add on, university students, for example, can provide transport for seniors who no longer drive. They can also help out at aged care centres on a voluntary basis or as paid work during their free time.

In return what can we senior citizens do for young adults? We can share our experience with them so they can avoid making the same mistakes we made. Sure, the young may say let us learn from our own mistakes. But mistakes could turn out to be costly or painful.

At the workplace, there should be intergenerational cooperation, not rivalry for jobs or posts. Senior staff can be mentors, offer advice and show how things can be done more efficiently. The younger staff can learn from the experience of their seniors. Indeed, that was how learning took place in the past – through apprenticeship.

What else can young adults learn from us, seniors? Plenty, for example, value investments, public speaking, relationships, craftsmanship, work ethics, caregiving, frugality and more.

What can daughters learn from their mothers, and what can fathers teach their sons? Each generation passes down traditions and values to the next. Each generation builds on the knowledge and skills of the past generation. That is progress. That is legacy.

We can be instructors in areas such as in cooking traditional dishes, preserving heritage art, crafts and skills, and ensuring dialects continue to be spoken. For example, there are young doctors who are now making efforts to improve their Hokkien and Teochew to better communicate with their elderly Chinese patients who can’t speak or understand English.

Should the need arise, couples know they can depend on their parents and trust them to look after their young children while they are at work. Indeed, grandparents bond well with their grandchildren. They make excellent baby-sitters and child carers, and home tutors too.

Respect goes both ways

It’s time for the generations to show respect towards one another. Universal values should continue to be practised by the old and nurtured in the young. It should start right at home with parents and grandparents providing examples of acts of kindness, good manners and respect for the elders. The older generation should not habitually nag or criticise the young for this and that. It drives a wedge between the two generations. Instead, let us look at the positives of each generation and learn to do better.

In royal families, the children are groomed as future leaders from young by their elders. It’s the same in family business conglomerates. The sons and daughters are taught how the business is run so that one day they will take over the reins from their parents, and improve on what they have learned. Likewise, in families, the elders groom the young by teaching them valuable lessons necessary for success in life.

That is how each generation builds upon the legacy of the past generation. From father to son, from mother to daughter.

When we extend this to those outside the family, everyone becomes an adik, abang, kakak, makcik or pakcik. These are more than terms of address, but terms of endearment. We become one big extended family, across all generations, that help and support one another. That’s how it should be. Too idealistic? Well, we can try, can’t we?

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

 (The above article was first published in the print edition of The Star on Wed 12 Aug 2026. It can be accessed at this LINK

Are we failing neglected seniors in Malaysia?

One of the most fundamental rights of older adults is the right to have shelter and a place to call home. —Magnific

 Unless they have wealth, position or influence, older people often become persona non grata when they retire. They are seen but not heard. On board crowded buses and trains, they are not even seen! Few commuters would give up their seats for senior citizens despite repeated announcements on the train to do so. They would feign sleep or be busy on their mobile phones.

We forget that older persons have rights too, just like anyone else. June 15 was World Elder Abuse Awareness Day. How many of us were aware of the significance of the day? It passed quietly, with hardly any major event to mark the day.

Often it takes a news report of a grandpa abandoned at a bus stop with just RM2 in his pocket and a bag of chips to remind us that elder abuse exists, and in increasing numbers.

The elderly are vulnerable to abuse – financial, physical, psychological, emotional, and believe it or not, sexual abuse.

The actual figures don’t give a true picture as most cases go unreported, especially when the guilty are family members. Reporting the abuse would be airing their shame in public, and a reflection of the lack of filial piety in their adult children.

One of the most fundamental rights of the elderly is the right to have shelter, a roof over their head, a place to call home. Take a walk in the inner-city streets. You will be confronted with the sight of homeless elderly sleeping at bus stops or on cardboard pieces spread out along the five-foot ways of shuttered shops or under flyovers.

They rummage through garbage bins to see what they can pick up to sell for a pittance. The ones that are hard to ignore are those sitting on the pavements near popular shopping malls, with the hope that passersby would be moved to give alms.

At their age these seniors should be enjoying their golden years pursuing their passions and playing with their grandchildren.

Untold stories

I once spent three months in downtown areas getting to know the homeless elderly for a documentary project. I wanted to understand the circumstances that led to their situation.

How do they survive the daily challenges of living on the streets without a roof over their heads and without a dime in their pockets?

Here is what I learnt.

It’s not that they want to live on the streets, but many have no choice due to various circumstances beyond their control. For some, their plight is of their own making.

Some have families but shame resulting from gambling debts, drug addiction or failure to find employment stops them from returning to their homes. Others choose the streets over welfare shelters with all the rules and restrictions as they want to retain their freedom and independence.

Those who have been on the streets long enough know where to go for free breakfast, lunch and dinner. There are soup kitchens that distribute food packages and bottles of drinking water.

NGOs and good Samaritans are there to provide sustenance. Food is not so much a problem as money. There are also young medical teams that do weekly rounds to treat the sick and those with infected open wounds.

The hungry are grateful for these free meals and handouts which often include face masks, medicated oil and Panadol. They eat sitting on the pavement, next to piles of stinky uncleared garbage with flies hovering around. At night the mosquitoes take over.

While some have marked out their territorial space along the pavements with their belongings, others are more itinerant, dragging their worn-out trolley bag of clothes and essentials from place to place. There is safety in numbers so it is common to find them congregating in groups at night to avoid getting mugged or robbed of their meagre belongings.

Taking daily baths is a luxury. They wash their clothes with pails of water sourced from restaurants nearby, and leave their laundry to dry on bushes or makeshift clothes lines. The street corners and back lanes are their urinals. Hence the overwhelming stench of pee that assails the nostrils.

Regardless of the circumstances that have led to their current state of destitution, the homeless elderly need a helping hand from the government, NGOs or some good Samaritans. Unfortunately, many of them fall outside the welfare radar. They are not aware they are eligible for welfare aid. Nor do they know where to go to seek help. Talk to any one of them, and they will tell you they are just waiting to die.

It is hard to understand how anyone could be all alone in the world, with no family members or friends to turn to in times of need. But it happens. No one wants to be in a situation like this. No one deserves to be in a situation like this.

It can happen to anyone. Even the wealthy can end up poor and homeless if a sudden calamity befalls them. Wars, accidents and natural disasters can render us in need of helping hands.

Some have a shared rented room to go back to at the end of the day. But there are many who cannot afford a roof over their head. These are the ones who set up “home” along pavements, under bridges and in the void decks of apartment blocks. They literally live from hand to mouth, from day to day.

The hungry are grateful for the free meals given by good Samaritans and organisations which they often eat, sitting on the pavements. — LILY FU

What needs to be done

Once again, the government is talking about the proposed Senior Citizens Bill. Way back in 2013, I remember being interviewed on radio for my views on the proposed Bill. There was talk then of introducing a Maintenance of Parents Act similar to that already implemented in countries such as India and Singapore. There were differing views from various quarters on whether there should be legislations to protect and care for our warga emas. The debates would taper off, only to resurface when an elder abuse case makes the headlines again.

All talk, but no action. Lately it has again become the topic of public interest and controversy.

I can understand the government’s reluctance to implement it. There are certain quarters that view it necessary to introduce such legislations.

There are also groups that oppose it as unjustified “punishment”. They argue adult children may not be in a position financially to care for their ageing parents as well as their children.

With longer life expectancy, middle-aged couples could be looking at supporting two sets of elderly parents and grandparents! A heavy financial burden indeed.

If the proposed Bill is similar to Singapore’s Maintenance of Parents Act, then it is not meant to be seen as punishment but as a deterrent. There is room for cases to be heard by a Tribunal. The aim is to recommend reconciliation. The amount awarded to the parent is also dependent on the financial situation of the adult children.

Not every case brought to the Tribunal is a win for the parent.

While waiting for the Bill to be passed, here’s what we can all do:

• Set up more halfway houses or Anjung Singgah to provide temporary housing for abandoned elderly and the jobless. Extend the current two-week free board to a month. This gives them more time to look for a job.

• Remove ageism in employment. Allow those who are still fit and capable to continue working.

• Establish a skills-based training centre for older people to enable them to be self-supporting.

• Introduce programmes and activities that strengthen family bonding and intergenerational understanding.

• Promote an active lifestyle so that every citizen will age well. Our health and well-being are our responsibility. Start early. Start young.

• Be good examples for our children by caring for our elderly at home.

The Ministry of Women, Family and Community Development, to their credit, have initiated various programmes to promote healthy lifestyle and lifelong learning.

There are Pusat Activiti Warga Emas (PAWE) for older persons to meet up and enjoy social activities. The University of the Third Age (U3A) conducts short courses both online and onsite to Malaysians 50 and above. But most of these programmes are held in the Klang Valley and in the bigger towns. Those in rural areas have yet to benefit fully from these initiatives.

While it is next to impossible to completely eradicate poverty and homelessness, it pricks our conscience to stand by and do nothing. But how many can we help? How much can we do? It requires a whole-nation approach, not just the government alone.

Ultimately, it’s the family, the home that is the best starting point for teaching and learning. Positive family dynamics is vital for bonding. Next come the schools, the friends and peers, and finally the community. The government and NGOs cannot solve major social problems without everyone pitching in too.

Where there is a will strong enough, there is always a way. Homelessness may not be completely eradicated, but it can certainly be reduced.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print copy of The Star dated Wed 1 July 2026 at this link: https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2026/07/03/are-we-failing-our-neglected-seniore)