Seniors and the pursuit of youth and beauty

Congratulations to Taanusiya Chetty, 26, for emerging as the second runner-up in the recent Miss World pageant. She also bagged the Miss World Asia title as well as the award for Beauty With A Purpose. That’s a three-in-one achievement, and the best results since Malaysia first participated in the annual pageant in 1963.

It is a historic achievement for the country and a well-deserved accolade for Taanusiya for putting our country on the world map for a beauty with brains and heart.

Taanusiya’s win has prompted a wave of nostalgia and perhaps a tinge of envy among older women. In chats over coffee or tea, they would be sharing about their past when they too were young and carefree. Sigh, such a longing for those days!

We were the young ones, once upon a time. How we wish time could have slowed down for us and been a little kinder. The years have certainly taken a toll on our physical appearance. Yes, ageing is tough, it’s merciless, it’s inescapable. It hits women harder than men because society has always placed so much more importance on external looks on women than on men.

Men experience ageing too but in a different way. Grey hair makes a man look distinguished while on women, it makes them look old.

We can understand why women in their 70s and 80s decline invitations to their high school and college reunions, birthday celebrations and wedding dinners.

The reason, I suspect, is they have lost confidence in their appearance. They no longer look the same. Some have piled on the kilos, some have aged and it shows on their face, some now use a walking stick or hearing aid and they have a complex about it.

There are wrinkles to contend with, greying hair and bald patches, extra weight we can do without, aches and creaking bones, stiff joints, and the constant battling with forgetfulness. The list just goes on.

It is hard for most women to come to terms with ageing. The only consolation is that it comes gradually to give us time to get adjusted to that stranger looking back at us in the full-length mirror. The changes speed up once we pass 75, though.

Unrealistic expectations?

Perhaps that is the reason why older women edit their photos before sharing them on social media, to look younger and more presentable to others. They edit for softer lighting, fewer wrinkles and a slimmer figure.

Remember those days of glamour photos in the 1980s? You could buy a package that would include a set of personal photos professionally taken at a studio, each one skilfully touched up to make us look glamorous.

It’s all designed to boost self-confidence, and to attach to our job application. I dug up some of these photos a few days ago. Needless to say, I couldn’t believe that the person in the photos was me. It was a total makeover, an unrecognisable me. 

But I must admit, I felt pretty pleased with the photos at the time. It boosted my self-confidence.

Many of my friends even framed their glamour photo and hung it on the wall of their living room! 

Why are we so hung up about our physical appearance?

Much of this has to do with the traditional view of women as gentle, delicate and pretty as a flower from hair to toes. Once upon a time in China, men from well-to-do families would choose their bride unseen, solely based on their delicate bound feet!

This view of how women should look has been perpetuated by beauty contests and covers of women’s magazines. Such emphasis on looks has continued to persist, putting pressure on women to do whatever it takes, whatever they can afford to retain a youthful appearance, so that society will compliment them for their appearance, so that their husband would not leave them for another younger, prettier woman, so that for divorcees and widows, there is still hope for a suitor.

This desire to maintain a youthful feminine outer appearance has spurred the growth of anti-ageing products, aesthetic procedures and cosmetic surgery. For some women, these can help them feel more comfortable about their appearance. But these should be approached with realistic expectations and an awareness of the costs and risks involved.

The AI influence

The obsession with going back in time to our youth has given rise to apps and AI-generated images of senior women sporting youthful looks, most recently dressed in the fashion trends of the 1980s. It’s fun to turn the clock back and feel pleased at AI-created images of us. We happily share them on social media for friends to admire and compliment us.

Here’s a challenge for those who enjoy using AI to create youthful images of themselves. Using a current photo of yourself, prompt ChatGPT to create an image of yourself based on the photo but at age 80, still looking fit, smiling and in good health. Then do another image with a different prompt, this time also at age 80 but looking your age or even older, after years of poor lifestyle habits.

You will be shocked at the differences in the two photos. Which one would you pick to be your goal to achieve at age 80?

That would really be an eye-opener and a wake-up call about how we want to age. This is more meaningful than playing around with apps that enhance our looks to feel good about ourselves.

We should accept the changes in our appearance, the slowing down of our physical abilities and the realisation that we can do something, not to reverse ageing but to slow it down with healthy lifestyle habits.

Regret and wishful thinking will only make us more miserable. Be positive and look at ageing as having more time to spend with our family and friends, to pursue our interests, to explore new places.

Not everyone gets to be 80 and beyond. Consider it a privilege, not luck.

It requires effort to look younger than our age. We know all about what it takes to age well, to age successfully. Knowing is not doing. We need to be consistent in maintaining positive lifestyle habits.

Exercising whenever we feel up to it, and over indulging in food won’t cut it. There is a wide gap between knowing and being inspired, and being motivated to do what it takes. The first requires no action, the latter does.

Ageing can be unkind, but instead of focusing on loss of youth and energy, why not focus on the positive side of ageing? We have built a home, raised a loving family, and enjoyed lasting friendships.

Let’s look back, not with regret but with nostalgia. Let’s be content with our present, and look forward to many more years ahead in good health and quiet contentment.

The next time we receive an invitation to a reunion or a lunch with friends we have not seen since leaving high school, accept it with gratitude that we are not forgotten and still around to enjoy each other’s company. Who knows when we will see our childhood friends again? The conversations will be filled with laughter at fond memories, tinged with some sadness as we remember those who could not join the gathering because they are no longer around.

One day, we could be the one missing at reunions because we have passed on. So, let’s focus on ageing well, to live to a good old age with our faculties intact, in good health and surrounded by family and friends. That is more important than to live like a recluse because we don’t look good enough to be seen.

Here’s to the next 10 or 20 years. We can do it. Let’s remain forever young-at-heart, and forget about remaining forever young. That can only happen in dreams, and in AI-generated images.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition of The Star on Wed 7 Oct 2026. The link is accessible HERE)

GROWING OLD, STANDING TALL

Ageing with dignity has little to do with appearance or mobility. It is about the respect we give and the care we show – and it starts with how we treat ourselves. — Magnific

We hear it so often – ageing with dignity. What does it really mean? As our population ages, we come across this phrase every so often in the media, at conferences on healthcare and in advertisements promoting products for older persons.  

Let me share what I have found out from my conversations with the elderly. They are the ones with lived experience of growing old. What is ageing like for them? How is society treating them? How would they wish to be treated?

The United Nations Human Rights declaration applies to all, regardless of age. Perhaps more so as older persons are vulnerable to being victimized, given their physical, mental and physiological limitations. They have the right to care, safety, protection, shelter, support, freedom and independence. They have the right to participate in conversations and in decisions that involve them. When these rights are taken away from them, they should protest. They should speak up. 

Unfortunately, they prefer not to kick up a fuss, cause friction within the family, or ruffle feathers in the community. They choose to remain silent. By doing so, they are allowing themselves to be discriminated, exploited and victimized. 

The most vulnerable are those with little or no formal education, have limited financial resources and are ignorant about their rights. Wealth gives one power. An honorific title and academic credentials get us a measure of respect and influence. When we have none of these, we get the condescending treatment. Sales staff at premium malls will look at us with disdain, assuming we are unlikely to purchase anything, judging by our age, our demeanor and the clothes we wear.

Disrespect hurts

It’s the daily experience of being ignored, ridiculed and bullied that hurts the most. Take the example of seniors travelling by public transport. On commuter trains, it’s common to see young people seated, busy on their mobile phones ignoring the senior citizen standing right in front of them. The oft-repeated public announcements on the train appealing to commuters to give up their seats to OKU, pregnant women and senior citizens usually fall on deaf ears or, more correctly, indifferent ears. And how often have I seen impatient bus drivers yelling at an elderly for being slow in getting off the bus. 

Respect and dignity go hand in hand. When others don’t respect us, does the problem lie with us? Or does it reflect negatively on them? Both. Respect starts with us. We can’t expect others to respect us if we don’t respect ourselves. If we feel we are losers, useless, too old, a burden to the family and unable to contribute anything to society, then don’t expect others to respect us. 

Ageing is a natural process. There is nothing to be ashamed of or be apologetic about. If we need a helping hand, just ask. Help will be offered.. 

There will come a time when we may need to use a walking aid. There is no need to feel embarrassed to use one. It is not a reflection of loss of dignity to use a walking stick, or hearing aid. There will also come a time when we may need to wear diapers, or rely on a carer to shower us, feed us and clean us up after the toilet. This is not a loss of dignity. Let’s not be a hero. Acknowledge that we do sometimes need help, and accept it graciously when it is offered. 

Loss of dignity is when we are not given the right to speak up, to be heard, to make our own decision. When an elderly parent is left out of family discussions, outings or social functions, it is akin to telling them they don’t fit in, they are an awkward embarrassment to the family. This is outright humiliating to the elderly parent. No wonder they feel hurt and insulted.

Sometimes adult children forget their parents can speak for themselves. After introducing their parents, they completely ignore their parents, giving them no opportunity to join the conversation. 

And then there are the jokes that young people crack about older people. They get a bellyful of laughter at our expense. The names they give us are degrading and disparaging, names like dinosaurs and old fogies. Fortunately, there are young people who have been brought up well, who practise what they are taught in religious classes and in Moral Studies in school. Bless them for showing us respect and courtesy.

Be proud of our age

As for us, senior citizens and the elderly alike, let’s be proud of our age. Ageing is natural. No one escapes it. Some do so at a slower pace, others more quickly. That’s the difference between biological (physiological) age and chronological age. It depends primarily on our lifestyle habits. It takes effort to enjoy our retirement in good health and wellbeing.

Looking good involves taking care of ourselves inside out. Looking good gives us self-confidence and earns us respect from others. ‘Looking good’ should be a stand-alone phrase. It doesn’t require an add-on as in ‘You look good… for your age’. 

Looking good doesn’t require lots of money. If that were the case, those in the lower income bracket would have no chance of looking good. We don’t need expensive cosmetics, nip and tuck procedures, designer clothes. Wearing a smile is free. Nature provides the supplements we need. 

Dignity is earned. It takes effort on our part. It starts with feeling good about ourselves, respecting ourselves. What makes us feel good about ourselves? Knowing that we have played our role well as a member of our family, as a member of the community that we serve, and as a loyal citizen of the country. 

Sounds lofty, perhaps, but we can surely strive towards these goals. The respect, the dignity will naturally follow. It’s all about doing good and feeling good about ourselves. Positivity personified.

Enough of belittling ourselves because of our age.

Men feel this loss of respect and dignity most when they retire. This is especially the case for those retiring from mid-level to top management positions. Stripped of their designations, they find it hard to adjust to a new phase where they have no work responsibilities, no staff under them to supervise, no secretary to do their bidding. 

The late Tan Sri Ani Arope expressed this transition period perfectly in his speech to soon-to-retire staff at Guthrie’s in 2009, titled after the popular maxim ‘A Peacock Today, A Feather Duster Tomorrow’. It aptly describes this period of adjustment to a new role for recently-retired men.

Those unable to adjust opt to spend their days at home rather than go out and be active socially. They avoid the awkwardness of having to answer questions like ‘So what are you doing now?’ or ‘Which company are you attached to?’ 

This is less of an issue with women. Indeed, the retirement years spells freedom for them to enjoy an active social life. One of the reasons perhaps for their longer life span.

The answer to living our retirement years well is to find meaning and purpose. We know that. We have been told that umpteen times ad nauseum. But as long as we know, we hear but we don’t do, don’t act upon it, don’t make the move, we will remain enclosed in our cocoon. 

However, if we are truly happy living out our final years confined to our home away from the madding crowd, it’s fine. So be it. To each his own.

But for the rest of us, let’s live life to the fullest with dignity and respect by being useful and doing the best we can whether as the best grandma to our grandchildren, as a dedicated community volunteer, or as an advocate of a social cause. Choose the role that best suits us, that makes us feel that we are not a burden, that we can still hold our heads up and not make excuses for our age. 

That is what ageing with dignity really means.

(This article is a revised version of the print article first published in Star Silver supplement of The Star on Wed 9 Sept 2026. It can be acessed HERE.)