At 72, she made her first documentary to advocate against ageism

 

If there is one thing that gerontologist Lily Fu wants to achieve in her life at the moment, it is to debunk ageist stereotypes and create an awareness of the immense potential and possibilities of older persons.

Yes, she’s also not too keen on terms like “the elderly” and instead replaces it with “older persons” or “older adults”.

Olders, she believes, can get on with life like the best of them - they can learn, they can dance and they can most definitely enjoy a fruitful, fulfilled life.

And, she’s a fine example to go by.

At 72, Fu has just completed making her debut documentary, with a grant from the Freedom Film Festival. Titled Meniti Senja, the full-length documentary addresses the alarming rise in cases of elderly persons being abandoned at aged care homes in Malaysia.

“The protagonist of the documentary is Muji Sulaiman, a retired nurse who started an aged-care home back in the 1990s, ” says Fu, 72.

“Muji’s story is absolutely amazing. As a nurse, she saw first hand how so many older people were abandoned by their family at the hospitals.

"She decided to take them into her home - after all she was a single mother with room in her house to spare, ” she shares.

Word got around about Muji’s efforts and she found herself with more and more older people at her doorstep.

She was then offered a space - an old mosque - to house her abandoned wards.That was how Muji set set up Al-Ikhlas, her aged-care home in Puchong, Selangor, about ten years ago.

Fu hopes her documentary can help highlight the issues faced by older people, many of whom are
abandoned and alone.

Fu was compelled to venture into documentary making because she believes it’s the medium to raise awareness about the issues of the older population, and to advocate for better services and provisions for them.

“So many of them are abandoned and alone, and the issue just don’t get covered enough. The media has highlighted the issue but they are often one-off reports when some news breaks and then things go quiet again.

“With a documentary, it can be online and shared over and over again and, hopefully, spark discussion and action.

"And because it’s a full-length film, we can explore the issues in greater depth, ” shares Fu who is the founder of Seniors Aloud, an online platform for seniors with over 1,000 members.

The challenge ahead

When she read about the Freedom Film Festival grant in March this year, Fu decided to submit her idea for the documentary.

“I submitted my pitch, and I made it to the final selection. Then, I had to do an online pitch in front of the judges and we got the result immediately.

"I couldn’t contain my excitement when I found out I was selected. When you think of filmmakers, they are either experienced people or young people. And there I was, a 72-year-old who hasn’t done this before, ” relates Fu.

“But the Freedom Film Festival has been absolutely supportive. Whenever I faced a challenge, they were always quick to help me through it.

“Even though they provided us with workshops to hone our skills in filming, there was no way I could manage shooting the documentary on my own - a three minute video, no problem, but not this.

"So, they helped source for a cinematographer, so that I could focus on the narrative, source for a protagonist and handle other aspects of the documentary, ” she adds.

Muji Sulaiman, the protagonist of the video, was a nurse who saw how many elderly were abandoned at the
hospital she worked in. She took a few back to her home and years later, started her aged-care home.

Because of the pandemic and the movement control order that was enforced in March, the direction of Fu’s documentary shifted from her original pitch.

“When we first started the title was Unwanted and my focus was the homeless older people who were abandoned and neglected in KL. I spent months on the streets, so much so that the community actually opened up to me and some even thought I was there for food.

"But with the MCO, there was no way we could access them the way we needed to for the documentary.

“So, I focused on older people in an aged care facility and I focused on just one home so that it could be more comprehensive and insightful.

"I found Al Ikhlas online. But because we couldn’t go there during the MCO, I used the time to do research. It was only during the recovery MCO that we could visit the home, meet Muji and the older people living in her home.

"Most of them could not speak, so she related their stories on their behalf, ” says Fu, who enlisted her daughter, Belle Lee’s help because of her experience in TV and film.

“She has a degree in TV and film production and has produced TV programmes before, which was a boon. She was also someone I could bounce off ideas with, ” says Fu.

With the documentary, Fu’s aim is to share the stories of the older people in the home without judging or placing blame on anyone.

“We want to give a very balanced view and highlight the issues faced by them without taking any stand. I think one of the things we wanted to get through is that sometimes, children have no choice but to place their parents in homes.

Working children, those who cannot afford to care for their parents themselves or those who may be living abroad... we understand the reasons.

“And Muji shares the same sentiment: it is ok if you cannot look after them, she will. But please visit them. There was a resident who shared that he has 10 children and he was just waiting for them to come and visit. It is very depressing, actually, ” says Fu.

A message to everyone

Meniti Senja is in the last stage of post-production and is scheduled to be screened, online, during the Freedom Film Festival, from Dec 10 till 13.“The festival, which was originally scheduled for September, will go nationwide after the MCO ends.

Fu wants older people to be given opportunities, either for work or upskilling programmes,
so that they can continue to be independent and contribute to society.

“It has been very challenging. Apart from the technical aspects, I also learnt that from the start till the end, things can change.

"From the story to the language - it was supposed to be in English but is now in Bahasa Malaysia - there will be developments because of external circumstances or input from others and so on. But I am happy with it and it has given me the confidence to, hopefully, do another one, ” she says.

Fu hopes the documentary can move people to action: the government for better policies and services for older people; the younger generation so that they can plan and set aside money not just for their retirement but to care for their aged parents, and also society so that they don’t simply disregard seniors, and include them in jobs or learning opportunities.

“I am glad that the government has paid some attention to older people in the Budget 2021 but more needs to be done.

"We mustn’t wait until 2035 when we become an ageing population because if we do, we will be in trouble. We need better infrastructure and more nursing homes to cater for the growing older population, ” says Fu frankly.

She also hopes the younger generation – who will decide whether to care for their seniors or abandon them – get to see what the situation is like for neglected seniors.

“Financial planners advise you to set aside money for your children and your retirement but they hardly ever talk about the need to set aside money to care for your elderly parents or relatives, ” she says.

And her message to her peers is to change their own perceptions of ageing.

“We should all be thinking not just of enjoying longer lifespans but longer lifespans in good health, ” she emphasises.

“Currently, society has a very negative perception of older people and it’s time we changed that. And the change has to start with us. Those of us who are 60 and above must not think of ourselves as “old already” or “too old to dance” or “too old to study”.

“If we want people to change the way they perceive older people, we have to change the way we think about ourselves. Don’t practise ageism on ourselves, ” she says. 

This article was first published in The Star on 2 December 2020 at the link below:

https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2020/12/02/at-72-she-made-her-first-documentary-to-advocate-against-ageism

OLD, LONELY AND FORGOTTEN

Last Wednesday (10 July), I was a guest on Capital fm88.9 Morning Show. I had been invited to give my views on recent headline news about adult children abandoning their elderly parents. This interest was prompted by the new “Elderly Rights Law” introduced in China last month to deal with the growing problem of lonely elderly people who are neglected by their adult children. With the enforcement of the law, it is now mandatory for adult children to visit their elderly parents.

A similar law, the Maintenance of Parents Act, exists in countries like Singapore, India and the Philippines. In Singapore, for example, parents may seek legal assistance from the Tribunal for Maintenance of Parents to compel their adult children to provide financial support.

A law requiring children to visit their elderly parents is difficult to enforce. How many visits are children required to make? Who would regulate these visits? What if the children have settled overseas? There is also the question of 'quality' of visits over quantity. Would parents be happy to receive visits from children who are there only because it is an offence, a crime not to do so? Such visits would certainly lack warmth and real bonding.

Source: The Star July 6

The traditional family structure has changed. Adult children move out of the family home as soon as they are financially independent, leaving their parents to age on their own or in a retirement home. With more young people working in other cities or countries, it has become a norm for them to see their parents only during festive occasions. Burdened with multiple loans to pay off and with the high cost of living, young families are already struggling to take care of their little ones, let alone their elderly parents.

Abandoned old folks waiting out their final years. Where are their family members?

While we can understand why some adult children fail to visit their parents regularly or do not provide adequate financial support for them, we cannot condone the act of abandoning their parents. That is absolutely despicable and unforgivable. For many elderly parents, often all they want is just to be remembered with an occasional visit or phone call. Is that too much to ask? Is it any wonder that depression and thoughts of suicide is on the rise among senior citizens living in the cities.

Source: Department of Statistics, Singapore

Worldwide, a rise in the ageing population and a decline in fertility means fewer working people to support an ever growing number of elderly people. In Singapore, the number of elderly citizens will triple to 900,000 by 2030. Malaysia will become an aging nation by 2030 when the population above 60 years is expected to reach 15 per cent or 4.9 million. In China, there were more than 178 million people aged 60 years or older in 2010. By 2030, that figure will double.

With 2030 only 16 years away, financial support and care of elderly parents will continue to be a huge challenge for adult children and for the government.

My advice? Take care of yourself, your health, your money. Save enough for your sunset years. Adopt an active lifestyle so that hefty medical expenses don't swallow up your savings. Don't expect your children to take care of you in your old age. They may not be able to, even if they want to. Filial piety is dying, no thanks to the harsh realities of living in a rapidly changing world that has no place for the elderly.

OLD AND ABANDONED BY THEIR CHILDREN

I came across the above in the New Straits Times a while back. It got me thinking. If it costs RM317,000 to raise a child from the day he was born to the day he celebrates his 17th birthday, how much would it cost to care for an elderly parent, say, from the age of 70 to 87?

I doubt any study has been done on this here. From what I've heard, most financial planners don't even advise their clients to allocate a certain sum to cover the cost of looking after their elderly parents, or paying for their healthcare and medical expenses. Bear in mind the aged have no health or medical insurance.

The bookend generations - the very young and the very old - have much in common. Both are dependent on others to help them, so their needs are quite similar. Except for a few items, the above list of costs incurred in raising a child applies to caring for an aged parent too. At least we now have an idea of how much it will cost us to look after our parents.

The cost can easily double or triple if our parents require special nursing care. What happens when adult children can no longer afford to care for their parents?

According to a recent report in The Star, up to June this year, 157 patients above 60 were abandoned by their families at hospital. A total of 205 senior citizens were abandoned last year. 95% of those abandoned came from poor families. Statistics from the Fourth Malaysian Population and Family Survey conducted in 2004 by the National Population and Family Development Board show that about 675,000 elderly parents did not receive financial support from their children.

Isn't this shocking? But that's the reality of life. The family institution of past generations has disintegrated, no thanks to changing family dynamics and to an erosion of family values. While there are kind people who would adopt abandoned babies, who would want to 'adopt' abandoned old people? Babies are so much cuter and have their whole lives ahead of them. Old people are all wrinkled and nearing the end of their lives.

The Tong Sim Senior Citizens Home has been receiving generous donations of provisions since The Star (8 Oct) featured it in their cover story. What the home needs now is not food supplies but household items like washing detergent, garbage bags, adult diapers and toilet rolls.

I visited the Tong Sim Senior Citizens Home yesterday. I was there to deliver provisions purchased with proceeds from past seminars organized by Seniorsaloud. It is heart-breaking to see so many elderly folks who are there because they have nowhere else to go. It is through the kindness of Mr Cheong Loy that they have a roof over their head, albeit on the upper floor of Mr Cheong's funeral parlour.

As parents we don't want to be a burden to our adult children. The latter have their own young family to take care of. Unless we are blessed with good fortune, we need to continue working as long as we can, save as much as we can, and look after our health. That's our responsibility.

Remember, we may still be active and independent now, but a day will come when we too will be our parents' age. When we reach our 70s and can no longer work to support ourselves, who will look after us? Aside from financial support, we need assistance with ADL (activities of daily living). We can't take filial piety for granted, especially if we haven't laid the foundation for bonding with our children when they were growing up.

Time to take stock of our future, so as to be better prepared for a smooth and pleasant journey into the sunset years.