Monday, June 29, 2009

WHEN ADULT CHILDREN HIT THEIR PARENTS

(Came across this article in The Straits Times today. Incidents of parental abuse often go unreported as they happen within the privacy and confines of the home. Click here to read more about elder abuse.)

ANNOYED that his mother was nagging at his young niece for refusing a bowl of hot porridge, Hong Kia Cheng, 47, threw a wooden dining chair at the 67-year-old woman. Another man, Koh Kim Swee, 22, was so frustrated by his mother's nagging that he whacked her on the head with a hammer in their Jurong East flat. Then there was Tan Su Ann, 39, who also took a hammer to her 79-year-old father after he tried to stop her from shouting at their maid.

All three adult children were jailed between four months and two years last year for hurting their parents. Last week, a young man who kicked his 82-year-old grandmother and threatened his father with a chopper was jailed for nine weeks. On both occasions, Seow Kok Hock, 25, lashed out because he had been refused money.

More cases of parental abuse are now surfacing as mothers and fathers decide the family should not suffer in silence.

One 69-year-old man needed seven stitches after his son smashed a ceramic flower pot over his head at their Toa Payoh flat. The father told The Straits Times his 30-something son had been in and out of jail on drug offences and would hound the family for money to feed his habit. When he did not get his way, he would turn violent, once even slashing his father with a knife. The argument ending with the flower pot being thrown started because his father would not let him take $30 from his mother.

Counsellors say that adult children who resort to violence often have experienced or witnessed it themselves when they were young.



3 comments:

parentconfusedandhurt said...

I have a grown daughter, the mother of my 4 grandchildren. I thought we had a great relationship but found out different. One day when i was at her home, she was telling the children not to tell me things, to lie to me. I said to my daughter do not teach your children to lie. She pushed me out of her house with me falling backward out the door. I called the police they said I was a mother. We ended up reconciling. 3 to 4 years later when they were all visiting my house my daughter and her boyfriend beat me up very bad, broken nose, black eyes, choked, glasses broken. I called the police, they took a report and later when they were talking with the boyfriend finding out that he had served in the military they buddied up with him and were laughing. I asked what was funny about me getting beaten. I will never call the police again for help, not ever. Now she is not letting me have any contact with the grandchildren, using them as a pawn. The CPS is siding with my daughter and making me out to be the abuser instead of the victim. I never hit my children or even spanked them while growing up. Never any violence in the home ever. My daughter was 32 years old when she did this abuse the 2nd time.

A Brighter Tomorrow said...

I am sitting here with a black eye thinking I am all alone, and then I found this site. I am codependent. My son is unemployed and addicted to shopping and fixing up his rented house because he said I never provided him with a house when he was growing up. When I do not give him money he hits me. He said this is what I deserve for slapping him when he was a child. I live with him because I gave him my rent money and got evicted. That was a big mistake. Now I am trapped in an abusive situation and don't want to leave because I take care of my sister with dementia and my husband who is dying of cancer. When does the needs of others leave off and your needs begin. I just want to run away and never come back. I know my guilt about what I did to my son when is was a child is holding me back, but it won't go away. How do you move on when you are abandoning so many people. Thank you for listening . . .

A Brighter Tomorrow said...

I just left a comment and forgot my email. susanpeabody@gmail.com