GROWING OLD AND LONELY

Photo: The Star 6 May 2011

This picture and the accompanying article "Growing old alone is a sad thought" in the Star last week prompted me to write this blog post. Looking after my mom for the past months after her hip surgery has made me realize that growing old can be very lonely if you don't have someone to share the journey with you. You can have a house full of family members, yet the loneliness remains. Your adult children and grandchildren are not of your generation. They don't share the same wavelength or speak the same 'old' language. They are out most of the day, and when home, are busy with their own things. The little time spent with you is mostly confined to meal times at home or out.

It makes little difference whether you are in your 60s or 80s, living at home or in a home - you are still marking time on your own if your other half is no longer around. All day long you sit there in your favourite armchair or lie in bed, alone with your thoughts. What is going on in your mind? Are you reliving your carefree days of youth? Are you regretting over things you should have or shouldn't have done? Or are you pondering your future, whatever is left of it, as you count down your remaining years?

As I look at my mother sitting staring into space, these are the questions that run through my mind. I wonder too when I reach her age, would I end up just like her - lonely, depressed and showing early signs of dementia?

I hope not. I think not. I'm sure not.

There is no quality of life if each day is spent waiting - waiting for meal time or bed-time. Having someone to engage with you is important. Blessed are couples who stay happily married in their old age. They have each other to lean on. They have held true to their marriage vows of "through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, till death do us part".

As my good friend, Mrs Jagjeet Singh, 70, says, “Couples that do things together stay together. They should also have complete trust in each other, and be deserving of that trust. With the children grown and independent, this is the best time for retired couples to rediscover each other, travel together, enjoy each other's company and rekindle that romantic spark in their marriage.”

However, there are elderly couples who bicker all day long and get on each other's nerves. For them and for those who choose to remain single, it's important they have a close circle of friends with common interests. They should get together on a regular basis and enjoy group activities and outings. There must be something on their social calendar to look forward to each week.

A group of senior citizens enjoying a day outing.

Alternatively, the elderly should develop a passion for at least two things - one that they can enjoy on their own (e.g. reading, gardening), and one that involves other people (e.g. social activities like going for classes, or volunteering for community services like helping the underprivileged). Even if they are wheelchair bound or in a nursing home, they can still keep themselves busy and useful.

The message is to have an interest in life, and in people. The fastest route to loneliness and depression is to be a recluse, to spend your days feeling wretched and sorry for yourself.

A UNIVERSITY FOR SENIOR STUDENTS

The Sunday Star 19 August 2007

Did you know there is a university that caters exclusively to senior citizens aged 50 or above right here in Kuala Lumpur? No? Well, you are not the only one. Up till last week, I had no idea that the only University of the Third Age (U3A) in the region is located right here in KL, in University Putra Malaysia (UPM).

I am familiar with U3A, UK, having written about it in a March 2009 post "Never too old to be a lifelong learner". (Do read it - lots of resources for seniors interested in lifelong learning.) As a strong advocate of LLL , you can imagine how excited I was to receive an invitation to U3A Malaysia's Orientation Day last Saturday.

A bit of background info on U3A Malaysia (U3AM):  It started in 2007 as a pilot program known as the Lifelong Learning Initiative for the Elderly (LLIFE) initiated by the Director of the Institute of Gerontology, Professor Dr. Tengku Aizan Hamid. The encouraging response from senior citizens resulted in the setting up of U3A Malaysia a year later. The project is supported by the Government of Malaysia and the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA).

Currently U3AM offers 39 non-academic courses covering a wide range of subjects including languages, art and craft, gardening, healthy cooking, swimming, traditional Chinese medicine, fitness, computing and digital photography. There are two semesters of three months each. Participants can sign up for any 1-3 courses per semester for a fee of only Rm80. Each additional course is an extra Rm30. Instructors are either members of the teaching staff of UPM, or industry experts with a wealth of experience.
(Pic: Prof Tengku Aizan)

This is one government-backed program that deserves two thumbs-up, and Prof Tengku Aizan should be given a standing ovation for all her hard work in getting the project off the ground. U3A (KL and Selangor) has recently been registered with the ROS. A small but dedicated committee of volunteers led by its president, Mr Azlan Hussain, is helping to run the program.

President of U3A KL and Selangor, Mr Azlan Hussain

The first course commences on 16 May. If you are keen to sign up, you can download the registration form from the website. For more details on courses and schedule, please visit the website at http://u3amalaysia.wordpress.com/

Here's a pictorial account of U3AM's Orientation Day at the Institute of Gerontology, UPM.

Seniors eager to sign up for U3A membership and register for the courses.

A section of the attendees listening to the briefing by Senior Research Officer and U3AM course coordinator, Mr Chai Sen Tyng.

One of the U3AM posters on display.

 There's even a graduation ceremony upon completion of the two semesters. Click on the image to enlarge.

For semester one, I've signed up for Swimming, Healthy Cooking, Introduction to Traditional Chinese Medicine, Basic Digital Photography and Adult Development & Ageing (free core course) all for the incredibly affordable fee of Rm110!

The only downside of U3A Malaysia is the distance. All courses are held at UPM which is a good 20-minute drive from the city. But for those living in the vicinity or near a KTM station, this shouldn't be an issue.

As the website says, "What are you waiting for? Come join us on the pursuit of knowledge for its own sake, have fun and make new friends along the way!"