SHE AIN'T HEAVY, SHE'S MY MOTHER

My 85-year old mother is in relatively good health and able to move around with the aid of a walking stick. But her memory is fading. There will come a time when she will need more care.

With my siblings all busy with their own lives, I know I will end up as my mom's sole caregiver by default. It is a role I have taken on for the past 15 years. So I won't be in unfamiliar territory. The only difference is my stress level will probably shoot up, and I will have to make changes in my lifestyle. Will I be up to the task?

Dr Lee Wei Ling's article "Who cares for the caregivers?" published recently in The Straits Times must have resonated with many women who have to look after an ailing elderly parent.


Source: Straits Times 30 Jan, 2011


I quote an excerpt from a letter a reader wrote in response to Dr Lee's article. Dr Lee heads the National Neuroscience Institute of Singapore, and is the daughter of Lee Kuan Yew, former Singapore PM.

"The emotional and psychological stress of the caregiver takes its toll and very quickly the caregiver becomes very tired and drained. There are no support groups, as far as I know, where caregivers can share common experiences and frustrations so the caregiver in Singapore has to rely on the listening ear of good friends and relatives who have the time to spare.



I live this frustration every day despite having a dedicated maid to take care of all my 91-year-old mother's needs. I worry when my mother doesn't eat right. I worry when she complains of aches and pains. I worry when she becomes sullen and depressed, which is most of the time.


I tell myself I shouldn't care if she eats her meals or not, but I do. I don't get any smiles or thank yous from her and most times I feel she is unappreciative of whatever I do. All I get are scowls and frowns and complaints that the food I cook (I do all the cooking) is not done right.


So how do you stay motivated to do this every day? How does the caregiver block all negative thoughts?"


File photo

If caregiving can extract a high physical, mental and emotional toll on a filial daughter, it must be 10 times more so for a son. Click here to read Matthew N's scathing article about how looking after his 64-year old mother is driving him nuts. He calls her a 'drama queen', a 'sympathy junkie' and much worse - too profane to quote here.

I am glad none of these labels fit my mom. She may be difficult at times, but she's the only mother I have.

For my personal tips on caregiving, do click here to read my article "Caring For An Elderly Parent" which was published in the Singapore Women's Weekly, Nov 2009 edition.

BLACK MONEY - NAME AND SHAME THE PERPETRATORS

Source: Star 31 Jan, 2011

Going through some back copies of  The Star, I came across the above headlines. My initial reaction was one of delighted amazement. Finally the local mainstream media (MSM) is drawing attention to what only the online alternative media has dared to print - illegal movement of funds out of the country. On reading further, my initial elation was replaced by utter disappointment.  The report was about India, not Malaysia.

Considering the figures were taken from the same Global Financial Integrity Report 2000-2009 published on January 18, 2011, it is pertinent to question why India, which occupies 15th spot in the Top 20 list of countries with illicit outflow of funds, should be mentioned in the MSM, whilst Malaysia in 5th spot with USD291 billion of black money stashed overseas during the same period escapes mention. We are talking about almost RM888 BILLION being taken out of the country illegally.

Top 20 Countries’ Cumulative Illicit Outflows from 2000 to 2008 (in billion U.S. dollars). Source: Global Financial Integrity Report

A Malaysiakini article quoted figures from the GFI Report of RM67.7 billion illicit outflow of funds in 2000. Eight years later, this has tripled to a massive RM208 billion. What are the sources of these funds? Who are these people or companies illegally transferring funds out of the country? Where have they stashed the money?

Similar reports have appeared in The Malaysian Insider, Malaysia Today and Free Malaysia Today and other alternative news media websites. But the MSM has yet to highlight this staggering financial loss to the people of Malaysia.

The Top 10 - Malaysia is ranked #5. Nothing to be proud of, everything to be ashamed of.  (Source: GFI report)

DAP and PKR have called on Barisan National for a full explanation. In response, International Trade and Industry Deputy Minister Datuk Mukriz Mahathir said at a recent press conference that the government did not see the need to look into claims that the RM888 billion channeled to secret banks abroad was due to corruption and mismanagement under his father's premiership.



It's just a matter of time before the truth will out. Already a former Swiss bank employee has handed over to Julian Assange of Wikileaks details of 2000 high net-worth accounts. I am sure Malaysians would be curious to know if any of their fellow countrymen are on the list.