Reflections on Merdeka: Past and Present

The countdown to Merdeka Day has begun. Each year come August, patriotic Malaysians bring out the national flag from the cupboard and display it outside their homes. The whole country is decked out in the red, white and blue of the Jalur Gemilang.

The airwaves are filled with theme songs from past National Day celebrations. This year’s theme song, Malaysia Madani (Rakyat Disantuni), is fast gaining popularity. Of all the patriotic songs, Sejahtera Malaysia remains a firm favourite. We know the lyrics so well. We sing about the peace, harmony and prosperity of Malaysia, about facing challenges together as one people. The song evokes pride in being citizens of Malaysia.

But do we mouth the words without fully understanding the meaning? Or do we sing with feeling and pride, rejoicing and feeling blessed that we are citizens of this beautiful country called Malaysia?

Which begs the question – is this show of patriotism exhibited only once a year? What about the other eleven months? Do we genuinely love our country and its people as depicted in all the Hari Merdeka commercials and adverts? Smiling happy children representing each ethnic group dressed in their traditional attire, waving mini flags.

Do they truly represent the happy people of Malaysia? Or is all this a facade? It depends on who you ask.

If you ask the baby boomers born before 1957, the year when our country gained independence from colonial rule, they will tell you they miss those carefree days of the 1960s which they often describe as a time of togetherness, with less emphasis on difference.

Then, it was our common identity that united the different ethnic groups.

Things feel different today. What’s changed?

Truly Malaysian

Whenever I am asked about my nationality, I have always answered Malaysian. If pressed further, I will say I am Chinese Malaysian, rather than Malaysian Chinese. There is a subtle but important difference between the two.

It depends on what you prioritise. Your answer is a subconscious revelation of whether you regard nationality or ethnicity as more important.

Let us look for things that unite us, rather than those that divide us. Food is a wonderful example. We get to enjoy an almost limitless variety of food from all the different ethnic groups.

Visit a food court for a meal. You will be spoilt for choice. We also enjoy a rich diverse culture of music, dance and language.

Sports is another unifying force. We root for our national teams and players at international sports and games. In badminton, when Malaysia plays against China, who do Chinese Malaysians root for? Malaysia, without hesitation.

Malaysia is a country blessed with natural beauty. There are scenic places like our idyllic islands and hill resorts that we can escape to for a break from the stress of work, and the hustle and bustle of urban life.

The tropical climate suits us just fine. Aside from the occasional floods, there are no natural disasters such as volcanic eruptions, typhoons and the like.

As for the people, Malaysians are friendly and helpful once you get to know them on a personal level, especially those in the rural areas. They open their homes to you and welcome you to visit them.

Indeed, Malaysians are known for their hospitality and warm smiles. We can see why tourists love to visit our country, and why many have made it their second home in their retirement years.

We are blessed to call Malaysia our home. For me, personally speaking, Malaysia is the only homeland I know. I was born here, bred here and one day will die here. Why do some politicians label Malaysians like me “pendatang” and tell us to go back to China? I have given more than 30 of my best years in service to the nation, teaching and nurturing thousands of young minds.

Even in my retirement, I continue to contribute in community service for the elderly, regardless of their race.

Malaysia, can I call myself a daughter of this land?

Unity in diversity

Yes, there are 1,001 things to love about Malaysia. Unfortunately, that love is sometimes overshadowed by individuals who style themselves as heroes but end up stoking division.

These are the loose cannons ever ready to shoot incendiary rhetoric from their mouths without a thought about the damage they are inflicting on our society, our people.

Diversity is very important to me. I make it a point to seek it in my friends, in my group activities and also in my studies. Learning is much richer when we share views and opinions, and appreciate that we can learn from one another.

It increases our knowledge, and sharpens our minds. It encourages critical thinking and analysing.

Diversity enriches our experiences, and enhances creativity and innovation.

Failing to recognise and cherish our diversity could lead to a rise in exclusivity, elitism and segregation in our schools and universities, in our workplace and in our social circles.

We could learn from other countries that have done well in governance in this respect. A refusal to learn and improve, to admit mistakes and failure is hubris of the highest degree that borders on stupidity when it impedes progress.

We must realise that it is dangerous to blame isolated incidents on a whole race of people. When we taint everyone with the same brush, we are holding them guilty by virtue of a common denominator, which is often race or religion.

This is more harmful than casual stereotyping and can strain community relations. We have some examples of this in our history. But many have short-term memory, or choose to forget what doesn’t serve their purpose.

So far, we have been fortunate that the majority of Malaysians do not allow negative emotions to rule their heads.

Let’s pray that our good sense will continue even as there are some who stoke communal tension with their outrageous accusations.

I will fly the Malaysian flag from my balcony as I am the eternal optimist. We need to have hope, for without it, the future is bleak.

We hope for a cabinet that leads with competence and humility, engaging in constructive dialogue instead of unproductive debate. With such leadership, Malaysia can again flourish in peace and harmony.

Happy Merdeka!

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition of the Star on 27 August 2025. It can be accessed HERE).

Is it time for Malaysia to introduce a Maintenance of Parents Act?

 

My previous article on family feuds and the breakdown of family relationships drew strong reactions from people I know and those I don’t know, from across the generations. I had obviously touched on a sensitive nerve that few want to acknowledge or do something about: The parents-children relationship. The general response was along the lines of, “It’s not that easy to forgive”; “They have never treated me well”; “I am happy to disown him”.

Which leads me to asking, “Is filial piety dead?”, or has it evolved into what we see today – a different way of how adult children express care and concern for their ageing parents, not very different from how they shower their young children with gifts and trips? How do elderly parents want their children to love, honour and respect them?

In the traditional family unit where generations lived under one roof, there was always someone around to look after the little children, and care for the elderly members. But this structure is fast disappearing, resulting in a kind of family diaspora, with the adult children moving out to seek better career prospects in other places.

Elderly parents are left on their own in an empty nest. Eventually one spouse passes away, and that’s when the big question comes up. What to do with the surviving ageing parent?

The duty of adult children to care for their elderly parents is a core value in all religions. Filial piety extends beyond death with the practice of ancestral worship. Today both virtues are on the decline. The Chinese government had to step in with threats of public shame, fines and imprisonment for those found guilty of neglecting their elderly parents. Isn’t there a better way than threats of punishment?

It’s no different across Asia. In India, the government passed the Senior Citizen Act, 2007, as an answer to the insecurities faced by older persons in the country. This law accords prime responsibility for the maintenance of parents on their children, grandchildren and even relatives.

In Singapore, the Maintenance of Parents Act (MPA) was introduced in 1995, making it a legal obligation for children to support their parents. Initially the Tribunal for MPA received hundreds of cases each year. After several amendments were introduced, the average of 170 cases between 2008 and 2010 fell to an average of about 30 cases in recent years.

This is a good sign that the MPA is effective as a deterrent to abandoning one’s elderly parents. Which begs the question – why is our government so hesitant about introducing a similar MPA? We cannot ignore the rising number of elderly parents ending up in old folks’ homes and shelters funded the government or by the community. More than 2,000 senior citizens were abandoned at hospitals nationwide from 2018 to 2022.

In 2021 alone, 752 senior citizens were abandoned at hospitals by their family members. In Malaysia, adult children are not legally bound to provide care and maintenance for their elderly parents. There are a myriad of reasons why an increasing number of adult children don’t or won’t take care of their frail parents.

These include:

• No extra room at home for their parents;

• No one is free to care for them at home;

• Their children come first, not their parents;

• They can’t afford to support their parents;

• Their parents are not easy to live with;

• Their parents had abused them

Looking at the situation from the adult children’s standpoint, there are genuine cases where the adult children themselves are caught in a financial bind, having to support their own children and care for their parents at the same time. Their financial situation forces them to choose. Invariably most couples in such situations would choose the young over the old.

Makes sense. One has a whole life ahead; the other has a limited time left. So, the elderly parent finds himself packed off to a welfare home. Says an operator of a care home, “We understand and empathise with the situation. But do visit them regularly so they don’t feel abandoned.

“What is not forgivable are adult children who are doing well financially, yet refuse to support or visit their parents. Eventually, when contact with the adult children is lost, there is no hope of a reconciliation.”

These adult children obviously do not have a close relationship with their parents. Possible reasons could include cases of child abuse, whether physical, emotional or sexual. We have read about such cases where parents abandon or abuse their young children. Years later, these children recall bitter memories of their abusive childhood. They now find it virtually impossible to forgive their parents and want to sever blood ties with them.

There are also cases where adult children refuse to continue supporting their parents who are addicted to drugs or to gambling and incur hefty debts for their children to take care of.

All these issues could potentially be resolved with the Maintenance of Parents Act, with a Tribunal to oversee the implementation and listen to every case brought to them.

The Tribunal would have legal powers to check the financial status of the adult son to see if he has the means to provide for his parent. If he has, the Tribunal can order him to pay for his parent’s monthly maintenance.

The Tribunal’s foremost role is to seek reconciliation for both parties, and to propose the best solution. The quantum of maintenance support will depend on what the adult children can afford taking into consideration their financial position and commitments. This is similar to the court granting alimony for child support in a divorce case.

So, why is there this hesitation in introducing the Maintenance of Parents Act? Not all cases brought before it guarantees a win for the parents.

In cases where the adult children can prove they were abused by their parent in their childhood, the Tribunal can dismiss the parent’s application for maintenance.

With an MPA, elderly parents who can no longer fend for themselves can have at least recourse to appeal to the Tribunal. Most parents would not want to be a burden to their children. They would rather eat less, make do with bare minimum than compel their children to care for them in their old age if the children are themselves struggling. Or if the financial support is grudgingly given.

It takes very little to make our parents feel loved and happy. A phone call to ask how they are doing, a small gift of their favourite snacks, spending quality time with them, a warm hug now and then – all these don’t cost much, but the joy they bring to our parents is priceless.

As parents ourselves, we need to ask ourselves whether we are good role models for our adult children. If our adult children and grandchildren seem lacking in respect for their elders, are we as much to blame? Have we pampered and mollycoddled them too much? Have we allowed them to get away with indiscipline and disrespect to their parents and grandparents? The home is the first place for learning, and parents are the children’s first teachers.

How we treat our elderly parents is how our children will treat us one day in our old age. They will learn from us.

What examples are we giving them? No matter how badly our parents may have treated us in the past, we can’t stand by and do nothing for them in their time of need. This is not a game of tit-for-tat or revenge. Their blood runs in our veins.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well.

(The above article was first published in the Star on Wed 30 July 2025. The online edition can be accessed at https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2025/08/02/is-it-time-for-malaysia-to-introduce-a-maintenance-of-parents-act)