Saturday, July 30, 2016

GRIEVING FOR THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE


Coping with the grief of losing a loved one is not easy. At our age, many of us would have experienced the pain of bereavement, whether it is the loss of a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling or a friend. With the passage of time, most of us find the strength to get on with life. But there are some who are so consumed with grief they are unable to function on a day-to-day basis. If unresolved, their grief may result in poor health, depression and even suicidal tendencies.

I first heard about Dr Edmund Ng back in 2009 from a newspaper announcement of a talk on grief counselling that he was giving at Bukit Kiara Equestrian Club. Having lost my beloved sister three years earlier, and still hadn't quite fully got over my loss, I decided to attend Dr Ng's talk.

I was glad I did. I could relate to everything Dr Ng said - the guilt, the blame, the bitterness and regret that a grieving person experiences when he loses a loved one.

Dr Ng delivering a talk on "Helping Your Children Grieve Properly".
Dr Edmund Ng is the founder of GGP Outreach. Its tagline is "Grace to Grieving Persons". Having gone through personal loss himself, Dr Ng spoke with conviction and credibility. His audience comprised mostly grieving spouses.


Since 2009, Dr Ng has been reaching out to bereaved families with his talks as well as providing financial assistance to help those in need, especially widows.

Here is a summary of Dr Ng's Do's and Don'ts for the grieving person based on the talk that I attended.
  1. Allow yourself time and space to rest after the funeral activities are over.
  2. Accept help from your friends and relatives.
  3. Acknowledge that it takes time to heal the pain.
  4. Find an outlet to channel your thoughts away from reliving the loss.
  5. Take charge of your emotions.
  6. Be patient with your children. They are trying their best to cope too.
  7. Look after your health.
  8. Know that you are not alone. Seek a support group or a counsellor.
  9. Re-connect with other people.
  10. Remain active.
  11. Maintain a well-balanced diet.
  12. Don't fall prey to temptations like drinking and taking drugs.
  13. Don't make hasty decisions.
  14. Find strength and comfort in God.
  15. Keep a journal and record your thoughts and feelings.

If you have recently experienced a loss in the family and would like some counselling to help you get through your loss, Dr Ng will be giving a talk "Beyond Grief: A Guide for Recovering from the Loss of a Loved One" at Menara Star this Saturday 6 August, 2016 from 10.30am to 12.00pm. Free admission. Register at http://bit.ly/2ajMy34


For more about the event, click on this link.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

MY LITTLE GARDEN OF TREASURES


My new-found hobby, gardening, was on my bucket list when I retired. The timing was perfect because my gardener decided to throw in the towel as his health was deteriorating, so I stepped into his shoes. I soon found that gardening is highly recommended for seniors, especially retirees.

At the back of my house, on a small piece of land, is my garden of treasures.

At the far end of the garden sits a bush of pandan leaves or screw pine. The leaves are well used when I cook nasi lemak. At other times, I use them for my weekly barley drinks or home-made soya bean.

Recently, I learnt that if I tie a bundle of pandan leaves and put it in my kitchen cabinet, it keeps cockroaches at bay. I put some leaves in the car and the car always smells nice. I save on buying air fresheners. Oh, the wonders of the pandan plant.

Next to the pandan bush is my lemongrass plant. I use lemongrass for cooking but now I make a drink out of it after reading on the Internet that lemongrass has anti-cancer properties. So once a week, the family is treated to a few rounds of lemongrass drinks. I cut five stalks of lemongrass, wash them, and cut into smaller pieces or bruise the stalks and put them in a teapot. I pour boiling water and let it steep for a while. You can add honey to vary the taste. The drink is cheap and health-giving.

Serai pandan and banana

Sometimes I use two stalks of lemongrass, bruise them and add a small knob of ginger, five pandan leaves and a small piece of rock sugar. Boil this and voila, you get a very refreshing drink.

Being a chilli padi queen, I have two pots of chilli padi plants. I do not have to run to the market for my daily needs as I have an ample supply in my garden. Sometimes the harvest is bountiful and I distribute the organic chilli padi to friends.

Nearby stand my two banana plants. Recently, I harvested the pisang mas and they were the sweetest ever. The banana leaves come in handy for grilling fish or making nyonya kuih.

So far my papaya tree has not borne any fruit, but my Indonesian maid eats the leaves for detoxification. The other day, some friends came over to pluck some leaves because papaya leaf juice has been shown to increase blood platelet count and assist in the recovery of dengue patients.

Pineapple lime (limau purut) and banana

In another pot is my daun kesom (polygonum). This is so useful in making assam fish. I used to run to the market to buy this herb but now I have it at my doorstep. I grow my own spring onions, too. Just put a few small onions in the pot and you can get a constant supply. How convenient!

In the far corner of my garden of treasures is the lengkuas or galangal plant. This is also a very useful plant as it is used in cooking certain dishes. My curry leaf tree is a hot favourite with neighbours. Whenever they need curry leaves, they know where to get them.

The limau purut plant (kaffir lime) sits in a pot and this is an essential for cooking certain dishes like tom yam soup. The fragrant leaves also enhance the taste of other dishes.

But my favourite is the aloe vera plant. The leaves are thick and huge. It can be made into a healthful drink but I have not tried it myself. Instead, I use the gel from the leaves as a facial mask. Cheap and effective. The gel is also very effective for treating cuts and burns. When I accidentally cut myself, I apply the gel on the wound and it heals well.

Mint and mempedu

The latest addition to the garden is the mint. I bought one ringgit’s worth of mint from the market and planted it in a pot. Now I have a fresh supply of mint. It needs a lot of water, but it is easy to grow.

I tend to my garden daily. The plants need to be watered, the weeds pulled out, and the snails removed. I do not use any pesticides so the herbs are organic.

Gardening is therapeutic; it is a pleasure to watch the plants grow. Nothing is more satisfying than being able to run to the garden for your supply of herbs instead of lamenting that you forgot to buy a particular item at the market.

I have made new friends along the way. My neighbours drop by to get their supply of herbs; in turn, they pass me their home-grown tapioca, four-angled beans, passion fruit, and a pineapple or two.

Not only do we exchange produce and gardening tips, we also swap notes on the health-giving properties of plants.

Gardening is cheap, non-strenuous, enjoyable and above all, eco-friendly.

Which reminds me, I must go to the nursery and get a misai kucing plant. This medicinal plant is said to be good for sore throat and diabetes. Yet another plant to add to my collection.

(The above article by Linda Lim was published in Star2 on July 15, 2016 as 'You can grow a herb garden in your backyard'. It is re-printed here with her permission. 

Footnote: You will also enjoy reading Linda Lim's earlier article in SeniorsAloud blog:

I LOVE MY AGE