DO NOT RESUSCITATE, LET ME DIE

Daily Mirror article

Everyone dies - sooner or later. Yet few want to talk about how they would want to die. Death is still very much a taboo subject. It is the proverbial elephant in the room. Strange, but thoughts of death have been on my mind of late. No, I don't have a death wish, but the subject keeps cropping up.

Just the other day, a friend sent me a request to circulate a prayer to mark World Cancer Day on 4 February. Another shared a video documentary with a powerful message on "Life Before Death". Two weeks ago, the Guardian published this article "Opting for Death with Dignity" by Ken Murray. Do read it. It's food for thought.

In the article Ken writes about Charlie, a highly respected surgeon who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Charlie knew his chances of survival were about 15% at best. So what did he do? He closed his practice and spent his remaining months with his family enjoying life as best as he could. He opted for quality of life at home with his loved ones.

Doctors have seen enough death in the hospital to know how they want to die. To quote from Ken's article, "Almost all medical professionals have seen what we call 'futile care' being performed on people. That is when doctors bring the cutting edge of technology to bear on a grievously ill person near the end of life. The patient will get cut open, perforated with tubes, hooked up to machines, and assaulted with drugs. All of this occurs in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at a cost of tens of thousands of dollars a day. What it buys is misery we would not inflict on a terrorist. I cannot count the number of times fellow physicians have told me, in words that vary only slightly: 'Promise me, if you find me like this, that you'll kill me.' They mean it. Some medical personnel wear medallions stamped 'NO CODE' to tell physicians not to perform CPR on them."

I recall seeing my former father-in-law in his final days at the hospital. He was ready to go, but family members insisted on the doctors doing all they could to keep him alive. Would those extra days have made a difference to him? It certainly made a difference in the hospital bills. As far as I could tell, he was barely conscious. Everyone knew there was no point in prolonging his agony. Yet no one except my ex dared to suggest taking his father off the life-support machines. That would be extreme cruelty, grossly inhumane and totally unforgivable. No filial son or daughter would want to be eternally condemned for letting a parent die when he could have lived another day or two, another week or two.

When our time comes, how would we want to go? Quietly without any fuss, in the comfort of our own home surrounded by our loved ones? Or in a hospital bed, groaning in pain, with tubes sticking out from all over our body, and strangers at our bedside? Is life in such a state worth clinging onto?

The answer is obvious, isn't it? Just let it be known in writing so that no one in the family will feel guilty about heeding our DNR order.

A DNR bracelet. In some states in the US, for example, in Idaho, all medical services personnel must honour the patient's health decisions.

Related article (including video):

WHEN EXTENDING LIFE MEANS PROLONGING THE PAIN OF DYING

WHEN EXTENDING LIFE MEANS PROLONGING THE PAIN OF DYING

Death remains very much a taboo subject. Everyone faces death sooner or later, yet no one wants to broach the subject, even when death is knocking on the front door.

Blessed are those who live to a ripe old age, who quietly make their exit in their sleep with a smile on their face. As my 85-year old mother loves to put it, "they have gone on a world cruise with no return date".

But for many others dying is a long painful process where the quality of life is almost non-existent, and death offers a welcome release. I have seen family members in their final days hooked up to all kinds of machines, consumed by pain and barely conscious. It is a heart-breaking sight. And it begs the question - how far would you go to sustain the life of someone you love?

There are no easy answers.

Check on this link: FRONTLINE: FACING DEATH. It asks the question "How far would you go to sustain the life of someone you love, or your own? Here's a video from the documentary FACING DEATH

LIFE - HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?

"If you could choose to live to a ripe old age, what age would that be?". When I put the question to my friends, the answer I almost always get is "80". I'm not sure if that's because 80 is an auspicious number and therefore a good age to say bye-bye, or is it because most people still equate any number beyond 80 with physical and mental deterioration.

It's time to blast that equation to dust. A change in mindset is long overdue. It is possible to live to 80, 90 and even 100 and still enjoy good health and quality of life, provided we make the right lifestyle choices.

My daughter Belle recently accompanied Teresa, a 112-year old supercentenarian, to London to attend the centennial celebrations of her alma mater. The trip was made possible by generous sponsors who wanted to make Teresa's wish come true. She had such a wonderful time and was feted everywhere she went. For Belle, it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that she commemorated in a photobook specially put together as a gift for Teresa. (Pic: Teresa enjoying kite-flying.)

As a blogger on seniors-related topics, I have had the honour of meeting so many amazing men and women in their 80s and 90s who are proud of their age. And why not? How many people of this age-group can truly say they are living life to the full?


Members of the Happy Senior Citizens Club who are in their 80s and 90s. The oldest is Mr Yong Tze Tai, 95, (extreme left) a retired court interpreter, and the youngest is Mdm Wong Yong Moi, 83, (in black) a line-dance instructor at her church.



On the other hand, I've also met retirees and pensioners who, at the relatively young age of 60+, are already withdrawing from life. They come up with 1001 excuses on why they can't do this or that. They prefer to remain at home and whine about the miseries of impending old age, loss of employment, income and self-esteem.

They are poor company with their constant complaints of aches and pains, whether real or imaginery. They lament the lack of attention from their adult children and grandchildren. They have a long list of what's gone wrong with their lives, but can't see the solution even when it's suggested or presented to them. They choose to focus on what they feel they are cursed with, rather than what they are blessed with.

We all know of friends and family members who are like that. No one can help them if they don't want to be helped. Sad, isn't it?