HOME ALONE - A NO-NO FOR THE ELDERLY

One of the biggest sources of anxiety for the sandwich generation is their elderly parents. If you are in your 60s, your parents would probably be in their 80s. If they are still active, independent and in good health, you can count yourself blessed. As long as your parents are together, they can look after each other. But what happens when one parent passes on? Is the surviving parent able to cope on her/his own?

If your elderly father is staying with you, who keeps an eye on him when both you and your husband are at work? What about career women who are single? Your mother is alone at home all day. Do you worry about leaving her by herself for so many hours every day?

This is a situation that many of us now face. What can we do about it? Let's look at some of the options out there, and why for many, there is no choice at all.

Option 1: Have your parent move in with you and your family.
Why not?

• "Our house is too small, and there's no spare room for her."
• "My dad refuses to move from his hometown. He wants to die there in his own house."
• "My mother says she prefers to be where she is - in familiar surroundings and with her own friends."

Option 2: Get your single parent a live-in maid.

Why not?

• "We can't afford it."
• "My mother doesn't trust an outsider."
• "What if the maid ill-treats my mother?"

Option 2: Put your parent in a decent home.

Why not?

• "We can't afford it."
• "People would say we are not filial."
• "My father refuses to live in a nursing home."

For many adult children, there seems to be no easy solution. So the elderly parent continues to live alone, and the family members are stressed out worrying about whether mom is ok when they call and no one picks up the phone. 

There are so many things to worry about when mom lives alone. Did she remember to take her medication? What if she fell and lost consciousness, or had a heart attack? What if she forgot to turn off the gas stove, or lock the front door?

Or worse, what if there is a break-in, and mom is hurt? These are very real concerns.

It is heartening to know that NGOs are coming up with workable solutions. The Befrienders of Singapore, for example, conduct regular house calls to make sure that elderly residents are fine. There are also community groups comprising neighbours and fellow residents in government housing areas who drop by to see if the elderly need anything. 

Not everyone can afford these services.

You can check out Love-On-Wheels, a mobile healthcare service provider at http://www.loveonwheelshealthcare.com/

In Singapore and Malaysia there are mobile or home-care services that offer nursing care for a fee depending on the level of care rendered.

Ultimately, it is an individual decision. Each family has to decide what to do with mom or dad. But just remember the price to pay should anything disastrous happen to your parent who lives alone.

One day it will be our turn to make our adult children worry about us. What will our decision be then? Will we have control over where we want to spend the rest of our lives?

My 86-year old mother is in a special home for dementia care. She is very happy there, and never fails to invite her visitors to 'stay there'. It's a long story how she ended up at the home. I shall write more about this in another blog post.

GETTING OUR PRIORITIES RIGHT

Calls for help. Is the government listening?

Of late there has been a spate of letters in the papers lamenting the lack of financial assistance for retirees and pensioners. Marie Lee's letter highlights the many difficulties seniors face in their retirement. This is not something new, but reading some of these letters, you can feel the desperation and frustration underlining these pleas. But are the relevant authorities taking note?

Giving a Rm100 voucher to senior citizens to go shopping for provisions is but a publicity exercise to make the government look good. Not that they are not appreciative, but it's only a one-off gesture. There has to be a sustained program of financial aid. I have disabled friends who receive only Rm300 in monthly welfare aid. They tell me it's barely enough to cover utilities, let alone food and shelter. (Pic: The Star)

On the other hand, we read about the billions that have been siphoned off from the public coffers through corrupt practices or that have gone down the drain through poor, short-sighted investments. It is painful to read about how some ministries are squandering away taxpayers' money.

Take for example the recent announcement that the government is considering purchasing 10 Eurofighters that cost Rm3 BILLION each. What are they thinking? Why is there a need for the latest in combat aircraft? We are a small country with no known enemies. Who would want to attack us? Let's hope this preposterous idea remains nothing more than just a pipe dream of the Defense Minister.

Unless you are drawing a pension of at least Rm1500 when you retire from the civil service, your pension won't be enough to meet your living expenses, especially if you are the sole income-generator in your family. The majority of pensioners, numbering 557,033 in 2007, (probably close to 600,000 by now), are on the lower salary scales, and trying to make ends meet on monthly pensions of less than RM1000. Bear in mind the poverty level is RM720.

The worst hit are retirees from the lower and middle income group who are either self-employed or have worked for the private sector. Their EPF savings alone are not enough to meet their financial commitments as well as cover daily expenses for the next 20 years assuming they live to 75.

Those in the 60s age group are caught in the middle between having to support their children and taking care of their elderly parents, with hefty tuition fees on one hand, and high healthcare expenses on the other. There's also their own insurance premiums and housing loans to pay as well. That's enough to bring on a heart attack!

This group of retirees are not eligible for government aid. They have difficulty finding re-employment. Most companies still practise age discrimination when hiring staff. Going into business isn't that simple when you lack capital and the banks won't give you a loan. They consider you a high risk, again because of your age.

With the cost of living escalating, surviving the "golden years" may require us to look outside the box for that elusive pot of gold.