MARRIED LIFE IS WONDERFUL FOR MUSLIM MEN IN MALAYSIA

The Sun 6 June. (Click on image to enlarge.)

"My cup runneth over!" Salih Yaccob seems to be saying. He must be the envy of men in Malaysia. He's off on a honeymoon with his new fourth wife, and bringing along his other wives as well. How thoughtful of him. His entourage also includes his 11 children. What a caring husband and doting father!

In Muslim society where polygamy is legal, the first wife gets short shrift. She has to bear the hurt and pain of sharing her husband three times over. It's a crushing blow to her self-esteem to know that the man she has given her heart to finds her inadequate. By the time he takes his fourth wife, the first wife is probably in her forties or early fifties. I wonder how she feels. She is not getting any younger. Neither is her husband, but the women he is marrying keep getting younger and younger.

Which woman would quietly acquiesce to her husband's bombshell announcement of his intention to marry again? As far as I know, my Muslim lady friends would rather seek a divorce than remain in a marriage where their husband no longer regards them as the love of his life.

If a Muslim woman wants a divorce from her wayward or irresponsible husband, it can be a long drawn-out process. However, if the husband is not happy with his current wife, he only has to utter the words of the 'talaq' (seeking divorce) three times to divorce her. In some states, this can even be done via a text message! It is relatively easy for a Muslim man in Malaysia to marry up to four wives, and equally easy for him to divorce any one or all of them.

According to figures released by the Islamic Development Department (JAKIM), Muslim couples get divorced every 15 minutes in Malaysia. There were 27,116 divorces in 2009, up from 17,749 in 2005. Divorce rates among Muslims are now at an all-time high, making up about 82 per cent of total divorces in Malaysia. (Source: Straits Times 27 May 2011)

The Malay Mail 6 June

With the scales already so heavily tipped in favour of the men, you would expect Malay women here to protest. Not quite. One of them, Dr Rohaya Mohamad, has set up the Obedient Wives Club to train wives to be a 'first-class prostitute' in bed in the belief that if a woman can satisfy her husband's sexual needs, he would not desire other women or abandon her.


The Star 7 June

This is most insulting and degrading to women. Dr Rohaya, the vice president of the club, is a highly educated professional, a mother of three and one of her husband's four wives. She seems to have forgotten that we are no longer living in the Dark Ages. Women now have rights, and one of them is to be treated with respect, and not as sex objects.

To quote the good doctor, "When a man is kept happy in the bedroom, he would have no reason to stray, seek out prostitutes or indulge in other social vices. The family institution is protected and we can curb social ills like prostitution, domestic violence, human trafficking and abandoned babies."

Male dominance over women still exists in the 21st century.

How naive! If only it were that simple to eradicate these major societal ills. As preposterous as the whole idea may sound, the club already boasts more than 800 members since its launch on 4 June. There is a chapter in Jordan with 200 members, and a third will be launched in Jakarta on 19 June.

It would be unfair to paint all Muslim men with the same tainted brush. There are good men out there who truly appreciate their wives. I know of Muslim couples who do everything together, who cannot envisage life without their other half by their side. Unfortunately, such happily married couples are becoming a dying species.