STEPS FORWARD TO GO, MORE TO GO

 

The writer acknowledges that Malaysians are fortunate to live in a country where women’s rights are recognised. However, she notes that work still needs to be done towards increasing women’s participation in sectors like political and corporate leadership. — Freepik

My mother’s generation grew up in the World War Two era when women had no voice, no official role to play in society. They were the family nurturer and caregiver, roles thrust upon them which they accepted without complaint or protest.

Being meek and submissive were much sought-after virtues in young women of those days. Many didn’t even have a say in who they wanted as their life partner. Their parents or professional matchmakers made the choice for them.

They were brought up to be seen, not heard.

I recall a quote which compares women to a bonsai tree. It alludes to how, when society keeps women small, and restricts their growth, their branches can shelter no birds and their wood is never allowed to reach its strength. A similar sentiment was expressed by poet Marge Piercy, in her poem A Work Of Artifice, in which she uses the metaphor of the bonsai tree to describe how a woman’s growth is often deliberately curtailed by social expectations and patriarchal norms.

Women were like ornaments if they were pretty, much like the trophy wives of today. But if they were poor and rough, they were like work-horses. That was the worth of women in the old days.

The women from my mother’s era were mostly tough physically and mentally, often raising as many as 10 children singlehandedly, and managing all the housework literally with bare hands, while the men went out to work. And when the men returned home, the women looked after them too.

They were multi-skilled and could handle several diverse roles equally well – from doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, feeding, nursing, disciplining and inculcating values in their children. It was a life of daily sweat, toil and stoicism.

The true emancipation of women came with access to education, from school right up to university. The women from my generation of Baby Boomers were the first to benefit from this. Paper qualifications opened the door to better jobs and financial independence. Women learned to drive and that gave them the freedom to venture further afield, explore more opportunities, develop confidence and cultivate a spirit of adventure.

Education opened up not only their eyes but more importantly, their minds. Women began to change their mindset and shed of their “I’m not good enough” mentality. They stopped viewing themselves as good only for child-bearing, housekeeping and bed-warming. They realised that given the right opportunities and support, they could excel in anything they chose.

The Malaysia Gender Gap Index (MGGI), 2025 records a small but positive rise in women’s participation in almost every sector. The exception is political empowerment where women represented only 16.1% of ministerial positions, and 13.5% in the House of Representatives. This disparity is significant and highlights the ongoing challenges in achieving gender balance in political leadership in Malaysia. As we shall see, this has ramifications in passing legislations to protect vulnerable women – those identified as poor, single, elderly, without much education, and unable to fend for themselves.

It’s also an uphill task for women to shine in the corporate sector.

Opportunities are there but limited, and gender discrimination is still practised. There is always this nagging concern that it’s money down the drain to train women and groom them into captains of industry. Once they are in the family way, they either go on extended maternity leave or opt out of the work force altogether to raise their children. It is no wonder young women opt to delay marriage and having children for as long as possible, or choose to remain single. Career and financial security come first.

Formidable force

Along with jobs came earning power and purchasing power. Today women consumers are a formidable force that cannot be ignored. They spur growth in the market and the economy. Among older women, the power of female ­consumers is even more profound as they are now reaping the benefits of having their retirement savings at their disposal.

Women are born shoppers. Women shop not only for themselves, but also for their children, their husbands and for their home. They decide what household appliances to buy, what groceries and health supplements for the family.

Increasingly, they are shopping for technical products too, such as laptops, mobile phones and other gadgets.

It is common knowledge from decades of observations that in most family ­households, it is the lady of the house who wields considerable influence on her husband when making decisions on big item purchases. A joint account also gives women more freedom to make purchases. They are often the ones who do the bookings, make reservations and handle the family’s accounts and budget. The rise in the number of single professional women as well as single moms further enlarges the pool of female consumers.

Indeed, women are making their numbers count in almost every sector of the economy and industry. More younger women are emerging as successful entrepreneurs, with many running their own online businesses.

We are fortunate to live in a country where women’s rights are recognised and the government places importance on the safety and protection of women and children.

Senior women (and one male ally) at the recent ‘Women in Tech: Innovating, Leading, Transforming the Future’ conference held in Kuala Lumpur, in conjunction with International Women’s Day recently. — LILY FU

Yes, we have come a long way since my mother’s World War Two days, thanks to decades of advocacy by women leaders like Zainah Anwar, Maria Chin Abdullah, Datuk Ambiga Sreenevasan and Ivy Josiah. We are indebted to women-led NGOs like WAO (Women’s Aid Organisation), AWAM (All Women’s Action Society) and SIS Forum (formerly Sisters in Islam). They have remained strong defenders of women’s rights.

The United Nations’ theme for International Women’s Day 2026 is “Rights. Justice. Action. For all women and girls.”

The fact that the UN sees the need to choose this theme is an indication that there is still work to be done to stop violence, discrimination and exploitation of women and girls.

We need to push for reforms in the protection of older women and men. According to the Women, Family and Community Development Ministry, almost 16% of the 30,228 cases of domestic violence from 2020 to January 2025 involved elderly victims. This is probably the tip of the iceberg. Official cases cannot be relied on as many abused elderly do not make reports, especially when the abuser is a family member.

With less than 16% women leaders in ministerial posts, it will be a long slow wait for legislation to be passed to protect our elderly against abuse and neglect. It has been more than 15 years since the Maintenance of Parents Act was brought up. Every year we are told the Senior Citizens Bill will be tabled, read in Parliament and passed. Well, there is still no sign of it.

How many more years do the elderly have to wait? Many are already in their twilight years.

The overall report card on the role of women going forward is fairly positive. Both the private and public sectors should be prepared and be ready to adjust projections for the 2030s and beyond.

Whether it’s on the domestic front, in social and corporate circles, in the economy, in aged care and retirement homes, the future is definitely female. And it’s not only because women enjoy longer life expectancy, it’s because they are making their presence felt in almost every sphere and walk of life. They are proving their worth after a history of suppression, repression and servitude. They are finally coming out on their own. There are still miles to go but there is momentum, there is acceleration, and that is an encouraging sign.

We have learned to appreciate small blessings, however slow they are in coming.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition of The Star on Wed 11 March 2026. It can be accessed HERE.)

FINDING FULFILMENT IN RETIREMENT

 

I retired in 2005 after teaching at the same school for 30 years. The first two years of retirement were blissful. I enjoyed the freedom of not having to wake up at dawn to get to work by 7am.

I had plenty of time on my hands to do what I wanted, go where and when the travel bug took me. After two years of self-indulgence, a certain emptiness, even boredom, started to creep in. I simply couldn’t see myself spending the next 20 years or more aimlessly drifting from one interest to another, searching for something that would ignite a passion in me.

I attended enrichment courses, signed up for personal development workshops and the like. I was searching, waiting, for what I didn’t know at the time. In the process I obtained certificates, one after another, qualifying me to conduct training workshops in leadership skills and language mastery. Still the vague feeling of something missing in my life remained.

I am sharing this as I know most newly retired seniors will experience this initial joy of freedom from work responsibilities and stress, like I did, and later on discover that retirement can be a long period of adjusting to a new chapter of life and plenty of searching for that elusive “meaning in life”.

How we handle this period of uncertainty will determine how our retirement years will turn out. With longer life spans, we need to find something that captures our interest and sustains it long enough to keep us looking forward to each new day. Otherwise, retirement can be long endless days of boredom. The days will stretch into weeks, months and years of emptiness, eventually leading to loneliness, depression and health issues. More so for those in their 80s, and living alone. One can see why some reach a point of saying they have nothing left to live for.

Where hope resides

I am a firm believer in hope, and in never giving up. Where there is hope, something will come our way. That was what happened to me.

In 2008 I read in the newspapers about a four-day programme for pre-retirees and retirees to help them “find purpose in the golden years”. It caught my attention. This was exactly what I was looking for.

It was an open invitation for Malaysians aged 50 and above to participate in the MIM-RAMLEA Life Enrichment programme, organised by the Malaysian Institute of Management (MIM) and supported by Konrad Adenauer Stiftung (KAS), Germany. The Raja Mohar Life Enrichment Awards (RAMLEA) Programme was named after the late YABM Raja Tun Mohar Raja Badiozaman, who served as the second MIM President.

It was just the opportunity for me, as I was still in search of my life’s purpose.

I immediately sent in my application and was fortunate to be among the 30-odd men and women selected for the free residential programme which ran from Oct 16-19, 2008 at the Flamingo Hotel in Ampang, Kuala Lumpur.

It was an intensive four days of talks, discussions, field visits and fellowship, beginning at 8.30am with the first talk of the day, and ending at 10.30pm with a group discussion and reflection.

The participants came from all walks of life. The common denominator was their age group. All were retiring or retired senior citizens, with the oldest aged 70. We were there probably for the same reason – to find out how we could render our services to society. To help us discover our purpose in life, the MIM-RAMLEA programme raised our awareness in areas such as community development, environmental conservation and volunteerism.

A week before the programme commenced, participants were sent a collection of required readings centered on Universal Values and Human Renewal. These included extracts from the speeches and writings of world luminaries like Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Hans Kung, Amartya Sen, Konosuke Matsushita, and our very own Harun Hashim. I found the readings intellectually stimulating.

To those wanting to work for the betterment of society, it was imperative that they understood universal values such as human rights, rule of law, and global ethics.

We had group discussions to brainstorm each of the readings, and came up with a list of 15 universal values and 15 concerns that mattered most to us as fellow Malaysians. Top of the list for universal values (in no particular order) were integrity, love, compassion, understanding, respect, and wisdom. Corruption, disharmony, poverty, environmental degradation, injustice and indifference were among the main concerns.

It made sense to me personally, that before we could even begin to help others, we should start with ourselves. Do we have the right mindset, the right attitude and the right attributes to embark on a mission to help the less fortunate in society? How serious are we in volunteering to help? Do we know enough of what’s at stake? If our answer to all these questions is no, then our contribution in terms of our dedication, time and effort would not be sustainable. We would soon give up after the initial enthusiasm of doing good.

We were introduced to the selfless work of NGOs such as Nasam (National Stroke Association of Malaysia) and Salam (Yayasan Salam Malaysia). We also paid a visit to the Malaysian Association for the Blind (MAB). The latter was an eye-opener for many of us. We wondered whether we had in us the same level of commitment and passion shown by volunteers like Puan Rosnah Alimuda, who had spent 35 years of her life (at the time) teaching visually-impaired children to read, write and count using Braille.

Participants were given a basic test to check their vital statistics for optimal health. Imagine our shock when we were told that the majority of us (including the thinnest) were classified as obese! It was truly a wake-up call for us to take better care of our health.

We tend to emphasise the importance of having good health, but often overlook the importance of cultivating a healthy mind. Participants went through a meditation session where we learned how to calm our mind. We were given an insight into how being mindful can positively impact our lives. Recommended reading were Eckhart Tolle’s two books: The Power Of Now and A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life’s Purpose.

Thanks to the MIM-RAMLEA programme, I finally found my purpose and direction in my golden years – to commit my time, energy and resources to serving the community, in particular, the community of senior citizens. Being one myself, I could relate to the needs and problems they go through.

A chosen path

Once my future direction was clear, everything fell into place. As I have often shared in my talks and conversations with the young and not so young alike, never give up even when the path you have chosen is fraught with challenges. Keep going.

When your passion is strong, it acts like a magnet drawing the right people to help you, attracting the resources to sustain you. It has worked extremely well for me, and it will work for you too.

Why am I sharing the above? It is to encourage retirees to do something constructive with the time they have. There are many NGOs that need more hands, more funds. Choose one that gels with you: Wildlife conservation, animal protection, recycling, preserving cultural heritage, mentoring youths, elder care, advocacy.

It can be helping out at soup kitchens or spending time cheering up the elderly at an aged care facility. We can also come up with projects to help raise much-needed funds for welfare organisations. If we can’t donate money, we can donate our time, our energy, our expertise. There is a certain satisfaction in knowing that we have helped. Volunteerism benefits us too. It promotes social interaction, builds confidence, and leads to overall wellbeing. It gives us a sense of achievement to know that we are not idling away, complaining of boredom and loneliness.

Let’s ask ourselves what we can do to help. Then go and offer it. We will find a sense of purpose and meaning in our retirement years. A sense of pride and peace too.

Trust me. It’s been an 18-year journey of community service and advocacy for seniors. I am still waking up each morning in anticipation of what the new day will bring, and what I can do to make it a good day for others too.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition on Wed 11 Feb 2026. It is accessible HERE.)

NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNINGS

 

It’s easy to say that age is just a number but when faced with the reality of our reflection in the mirror, we can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness and regret. — GRACE WILLIAM

Another new year has begun. Another year older for all of us. While the young eagerly look forward to a year full of possibilities, the old wish they could slow down the merciless march of time.

It’s easy to say that age is just a number but when faced with the reality of our reflection in the mirror, we can’t help but feel a tinge of sadness and regret. Can’t we slow down time? Can’t the hours stretch a bit longer? Can’t the earth spin a little slower?

A friend remarked this morning in our chat group that it’s quite depressing for seniors to be reminded that we will be one year older, and one step closer to kicking the bucket.

It’s true Baby Boomers are looking much younger than their age these days. After all, 60 is the new 40, they say, thanks in part to cosmetic aids and medical advances.

However, there are certain parts of the body that reveal our real age, that no amount of clever cosmetic tricks will cover up for long. Let’s leave aside surgical procedures that enhance one’s physical appearance. After all, how many of us have the financial resources to go down that expensive route to looking “youthful”?

This tongue-in-cheek post is dedicated to those among us to whom “60 is the new 40” does NOT apply. We look our age, and for some, even older than our age!

Facing the hard truth

Ageing doesn’t arrive all at once. It settles gradually into different parts of the body, sometimes so subtly we barely notice. While these changes are natural and deeply individual, some areas tend to reflect age more clearly than others. This list looks at 10 body parts that often reveal how time leaves its mark.

1. Face

No prizes if you got this right. The lines on our face tell the truth – that we are no spring chicks. More like autumn turkeys if you know what I mean. The lines reveal our age just like the rings on a tree tell how long it has been around.

2. Knees and elbows

From years of wear and tear, the skin covering these joints resemble the roughness and toughness of elephant skin or alligator skin. Take your pick.

3. Skin

Like the migratory birds that fly south during the winter months, our skin goes south too. Unfortunately for us, it is a permanent southward migration. In old age, our skin loses its elasticity and literally “hangs loose”.

4. Eyes

From “dreamy eyes” to “droopy eyes”. If only we could iron out those laughter lines or “crows feet” that surface each time we laugh out loud. No wonder we seldom see older women react to jokes no matter how hilarious!

5. Neck

Now you know why older women wear scarves or opt for clothes with a high collar despite the discomfort in our hot weather. The dreaded “turkey neck” syndrome afflicts all of us, sooner or later.

Our wrinkled, gnarled hands are often a dead giveaway of our age. — Pexels

6. Hands

There is no way we can hide our wrinkled, gnarled hands. They are a dead giveaway of our age. When my grandson was four, he was fascinated by the folds on my hands and kept trying to see if he could smoothen them out!

7. Hair

Not only does our hair turn grey, silver, white, it goes into free-fall whenever we brush it. The horror of removing clumps of hair from the hair brush and from the bathroom floor. See a senior man wearing a cap, you can bet he’s hiding a bald patch.

8. Teeth

The number dwindles with advancing age. Only solution – dentures or implants. That explains why most older folks prefer soft foods, and why they avoid showing teeth when they smile.

9. Breasts

This affects women more than men. No longer firm and perky, the breasts now swing freely and resemble a certain elongated fruit – papaya. Padded bras are the cheaper alternative for those who can’t afford breast implants or dread surgery of any kind.

10. Private parts

This body part in older men spends more time hanging down than pointing up. No amount of massage or Tongkat Ali will revive it to its former glory. Fortunately, there’s the little blue pill – a life-saver for grandpas that still want some action.

Look beyond the signs of ageing

Depressing, isn’t it? We miss how we used to look. No wonder many of us avoid looking in the mirror, especially a full-length one. The years do take a toll on our body.

If we look at ourselves in the mirror when we wake up on the first day of the new year, and especially on the morning of our birthday each year, if all we see are sagging skin and greying hair or a bald patch, no wonder we feel depressed.

The secret is to switch our focus, to look beyond, or deep inside that reflection in the mirror. We will see that youthful, playful spirit still dwelling within all of us. Try it. I have, and I can tell you it works!

Growing old is natural and inevitable. So why fight it or try to reverse it? We should look at our wrinkles as life-lines of experience, and our greying hair as threads of wisdom.

Begin each day with a smile at ourselves in the mirror. Say “Hi” to that person smiling back at us. Not only does smiling make us look younger, it also brightens up our day. No need for Botox fillers or cosmetic surgery. Share that smile with the people we come into contact with during the day.

Or would we rather wake up grouchy and whining about our aches and pains, and complaining about how the world owes us our happiness? Do we want to spend the whole day spreading misery to those around us, and looking for people to wallow in self-pity with? What an utter waste of precious time! No wonder we are poor company for our friends and grandchildren!

And we wonder why young people see us as decrepit old fogies ready to crumble into dust or ashes any minute. That’s how many of us see ourselves too. Is that why we avoid looking at the mirror unless we have our make-up on? A smile works much better than cosmetics – it lifts up our face instantly and pushes back the years.

Let’s focus on our many blessings. We should be grateful we can wake up to greet each new dawn and enjoy each beautiful sunset. As is often said, growing old is a privilege denied to many. This is so true as we all know of friends who have left us way too soon.

Looking great has a lot to do with feeling great. It’s more important to remain young at heart and in spirit than looking young in appearance. A truly loving spouse or friend will see beyond the external and look deep into that beauty of soul and spirit that still reside inside all of us. We must continue to nurture that inner youthfulness and keep it forever young.

It’s really up to us, isn’t it, how we want to live each day, each year. Let’s not smile only for the camera. Let’s have a smile in our hearts too. Smile more and spread smiles as we welcome another new year.

Lily Fu is a gerontologist who advocates for seniors. She is the founder of SeniorsAloud, an online platform for seniors to connect and enjoy social activities for ageing well. The views expressed here are entirely the writer’s own.

(The above article was first published in the print edition on Wed 14 Jan 2026. It is accessible HERE.)